“Up there,” Dardeh said, pointing. It was hard to see anything through the mountain fog, but he knew where and what he was pointing at. It didn’t matter. He was simply trying to stall.
I need a few more minutes. I just need to get my thoughts in order.
How do you approach someone who not only has disliked you for twenty years but has also told you, specifically, you’re not welcome? And the worst of it is that I am again in a position where what I do and say may have oversized effects on everyone else.
I didn’t want this. I wanted it to be over.
He glanced over at his niece and at Harald. Harald usually looked serious, but at that moment it seemed as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.
And he does. The world – or at least Skyrim – is going to be his burden to bear. Maybe in another decade. Maybe next week. Who knows? He doesn’t want it, and I understand that better than nearly anyone.
They’d had a pleasant enough trip stopping for the night at Mammoth Manor. He’d enjoyed listening to Qara chatter about her experiences on Falskaar. Harald, as usual, had been the least vocal of all of them, but he had opened up at one point, following a very long sigh.
“They’re going to hate me, aren’t they?” he’d asked.
“Who is going to hate you?” Qara asked, peering at Harald.
“My parents. They really don’t like it when I’m out of their sight.”
Dardeh had needed to suppress a loud sigh of his own. He understood Harald’s frustration. But as the oldest adult in the room, it was his responsibility to make sure Harald understood his own duty.
“Well they won’t be around forever, Harald,” Qara said. “Later on you’ll be able to do whatever you want and nobody will be able to tell you otherwise.”
“That’s a rather harsh way of putting things, Qara,” he’d said, trying desperately to still the voices in his own mind that shrieked about the same matters.
Ulfric is old. He’s going to die before any of the rest of us, barring a catastrophe. Frina will be devastated. And how will Roggi be? Will he fall apart? And what then? What do I do?
That was the part that he hated thinking about. Roggi was precisely between Ulfric and him, figuratively – and literally, in terms of age.
I know I gave everyone a scare with the coughing, and now with the ruined voice. But the fact is that it’s a whole lot more likely that Roggi will be the first to go of the two of us. And if Ulfric is gone and Roggi is gone, will I have any relevance at all? To anyone?
“But it’s true, Uncle Dar,” Qara protested.
“But you have to understand how uncomfortable it is to hear, Qara,” Harald mumbled. “Of course you’re right. Father will be gone and I’ll at least be put before the Moot, if nothing else. But here’s the problem. How am I supposed to be a ruler if I’ve never done anything? Seen anything? Talked to people who are different from me?” He looked at Qara, then at Dardeh. “That’s one of the reasons I went to Little Vivec. It was hard to hear people saying they’d moved and established a whole new town because of my father.” He shook his head. “I think I helped with that.”
“It seemed that way to me,” Qara answered quietly, giving him a small smile.
“But the only way I could do that was to slip away while they weren’t looking. They were angry about that, especially Mother. I don’t want to spend however many years Father has left growing to resent his very existence because they won’t let me go.”
Dardeh had to admit that Harald was right. His own mother had been concerned for his safety, of course. But she’d always encouraged him to do what he felt he needed to do. Harald, though, had an extra layer of responsibility.
I didn’t get crushed by fate until I was thirty. I had experience with people. I knew who I was, as a man, even though what happened to me changed that. I was able to adjust. Harald is still just a boy in many ways.
He’d been just about to open his mouth, try to say something reassuring, when Qara opened hers instead.
“I get it, Harald. I really do,” she said quietly. “The only way I was able to get to Falskaar was to sneak away. Daddy told me not to go and I did anyway. But I didn’t have the whole world depending on me.”
And then Dardeh had been unable to stop himself from saying the thing he had not intended to say.
“But maybe you do, Qara.”
She had just stared at him. And he’d kicked himself for even mentioning that. If he was right, though…
And here they were, now, trudging along the road to Markarth. Dardeh’s mood felt as heavy as the look on Harald’s face.
What if I’m wrong?
Even worse, what if I’m right?
“Uncle Dar? What were you pointing at?”
Once again, Qara’s voice dragged him back into the present. He jumped, and then focused his attention once again.
“Oh! Sorry. I was lost in my thoughts. You know how old people are.” He grinned at her, trying to hide how unsettled he really was. “Up there. On the side of that mountain. The big island in the middle of the river.” He pointed once more. “It’s pretty cloudy up there at the moment, but that building you can just see. That’s Sky Haven Temple.”
They started moving again. It wasn’t too much farther up the road until they’d need to drop down and cross the river, to get to the Karthspire without having to go through what was left of the old Forsworn camp.
“That’s where the Blades are, right?” Harald asked.
Dardeh grimaced. “Well, Delphine anyway. I don’t know whether Esbern is still alive. If he is, he’s very old. Much older than your father, Harald. He was one of the Blades’ archivists.” He glanced at Harald to make sure he had the younger man’s attention. “Bear in mind that officially, the organization called the Blades was disbanded when the White Gold Concordat was signed. Officially, they don’t exist anymore. Delphine, though…” He sighed.
“Delphine what?”
“Well, I really don’t want to give you my opinion. I don’t want to influence you.”
“You already have, Uncle Dar,” Qara said dryly.
She’s right. I guess it’s too late to worry about that.
Dardeh chuckled. “Yeah. Ok. Delphine was convinced that there would be another Dragonborn, and that the Blades – even if she was the only one left – were sworn to protect that person. That turned out to be me. She thought the Thalmor were somehow responsible for the return of the dragons, and while I was checking that out I learned that Esbern was alive. It’s a good thing he was, too.”
“Why is that?” Harald asked.
“Because he led us here. Sky Haven Temple. He was the only one of us who even knew it exists. Inside is a wall – like the carvings in the Hall of Stories you sometimes run across in the old barrows.”
He had to stop talking then, as it was slippery footing crossing the river and he had no desire to meet Delphine again while sopping wet. Once they were all safely across, though, Qara prodded him to finish.
“What about the wall? What’s so important about it?”
He grinned. “That wall told us that I would need a Shout to defeat Alduin. This world would have been eaten if we hadn’t found it. It’s the first one you used, Qara. Joor Zah Frul.” He frowned at the flat sound of the Dovahzul words he uttered.
I’ll never get used to not having my Voice. Never. I thought I’d never get used to having it and now being without it makes me feel naked.
“And you were the one to have to use it,” Harald said, a bit breathless from the climbing they were doing up the steep embankments.
“Yeah, I was.”
“Hmm,” Qara said quietly. Dardeh peered at her and saw her brows knitted into a frown.
“What is it?”
“How do you know whether or not that was the right choice?”
Dardeh nearly jumped out of his ebony shell. Paarthurnax had posed the same question.
Why did I want to kill Alduin, he asked me. What if this world was meant to end so that the next one could begin? And all I could tell him was that I loved the one we were in, that I cared too much for the people in it, that I didn’t want it to end.
What if I was just being selfish?
What if I was wrong?
“I don’t know, Qara,” he said quietly. “That’s part of why we’re coming here to see Delphine, and Esbern if he’s still alive. I don’t know, I don’t have any way to know, and I can’t change it now. But maybe you and Harald can.”
He caught Harald and Qara exchanging a look before they all entered the Karthspire cavern. It was still as damp as it had been the last time he’d been there, so he warned them to watch their feet. The suspension bridge onto what had been a rough living area was still in good repair, though. Delphine had to come and go for supplies, after all.
“This looks like a…” Harald murmured.
“Forsworn space?” Dardeh said, shooting him a grin. “It was. It was an outpost of the big encampment down in the valley. We had to fight through all of them to get here. It’s been years now, though.” A lot of years.
They stepped out into the ravine that housed the outer limits of the Temple – what had been a puzzle-locked entry the first time Dardeh had seen it. Qara gasped.
“Wow,” Harald murmured, moving up to stand beside her.
“I wasn’t expecting anything like this,” Qara said, pointing across the gap. “What are those two pillars for?”
Dardeh chuckled. “I had the same reaction to it the first time I saw it. Except that the bridge was up. The pillars held it and its mechanisms.” He stepped ahead of them, moving ahead to the three rotating pillars and pointing at them. “See the symbol on them? That’s the Akaviri symbol for the Dragonborn. I was glad to have Esbern with me to tell me that.” He frowned then. “But I’m surprised the bridge is down. It makes the place a bit vulnerable.”
“Maybe there’s a lock farther in,” Harald said quietly.
“Oh. Of course,” Dardeh said, startled that Harald thought of something he hadn’t. “Well let’s keep moving.” I just hope everything is still alright.
He trudged across the bridge and through the next chamber, where long ago he’d needed to disengage flame traps by moving carefully across the Dragonborn symbols. And as he had expected, once they’d passed through that room and up into the chamber with the blood seal and the door carved as an enormous bust, he heard Qaralana gasp.
“What on Nirn is that, Uncle Dar?”
“The head? Esbern told me that it’s supposed to be Reman Cyrodiil. You know, the one that the province is named for. It used to be down. Blocking that entry. There was only one way to open it.”
Dardeh suddenly and unexpectedly found himself unable to form more words. He was choked by emotion, remembering the awe he’d felt, carving into his own palm to bleed onto the blood seal and watching the namesake of a province make way for him. He’d been the only person alive capable of opening that doorway.
And I guess this is where I have to admit that I’ve become an old man and am irrelevant. Because the door is open. Nobody needs me to spill my blood for them anymore.
“That looks like a blood seal to me,” Harald said softly. “Was it? Did you have to open it yourself?”
Dardeh sent a grateful look to his unofficial nephew, and nodded. Then he took a deep breath and blew it out.
“Yeah. That’s how it was. I’m not sure why this is getting to me. Sorry about that, both of you. This isn’t about me.”
Qaralana surprised him with a one-armed hug. “Actually it is,” she said. “It’s just as much about you as anyone. Because you’re the one who knew that we needed to come here.”
Dardeh could only nod. Nod, and lead them through the open door and up the curved staircase to the second door, closed, with the Dragonborn symbol on it.
“The Temple proper is beyond this door.”
The door opened as he pushed against it, much to Dardeh’s grateful relief. He led them up the curving, ornately-carved staircase toward what was undoubtedly going to be a disappointing sight beyond.
“Don’t expect much, up here. It’s just a big old…”
He stepped into the main cavern and stopped cold, in stunned silence.
The cavern was no longer the great, empty, stone-filled space he’d last seen. There were banners flapping in the breeze from the roof’s opening. The braziers’ bright light illuminated nooks and crannies he didn’t remember having noticed before as well as the chamber’s elaborate stonework. Someone had cleaned Alduin’s Wall – the saga of the first great battles between men and dragonkind stood out more clearly than he remembered, and it was beautiful. Three dragon skulls hung on one of the central walls, as if to emphasize that this was not simply a repository of information about Alduin but also the home for some of the greatest dragon-hunters in recorded history.
Above it all, suspended in the center of the great cavern, was the complete skeleton of a dragon, from its jaws to its tail and out to the tips of its wing bones. It was majestic, and threatening, and yet it was the very symbol of an enemy that had been defeated.
And Dardeh marveled at how easily the sight of it caused his inborn heat to fan from embers into a flame. It was his instinct to fight dragons – other dragons – and to prove himself their better.
And I have no Voice. I have only these two children, each of whom has something of the gift I had. And neither of them is my own blood.
He found himself needing to wipe away the tears that had begun rolling silently down his face. It was simply too hard, not knowing whether there had been a reason for him to throw away his own greatness.
Then he looked at Qara. And he smiled.
Qaralana had moved into the cavern and past him to the right, staring open-mouthed at the dragon skeleton above her. She stared, unblinking, and Dardeh was sure he saw the same emotions roiling just beneath the surface as he’d had. It was her enemy. It was her kin. It was a creature to be dominated, subdued, shown its proper place in the Planes of Existence.
“Wow,” she breathed.
“Shor’s beard,” Harald whispered, moving in to stand beside Qara.
Dardeh wanted to laugh, even as his heart was crumbling within him. These were the children of his heart, if not his body. In a real sense, he and Qara were even more closely related than uncle and niece, bound by the dragon blood as they were; and Harald stood beside her in the same protective stance Roggi had so often taken, standing next to Dardeh.
I’m sure neither of them even notices that, but I do.
He wanted to laugh, but didn’t; he’d finally noticed the people on either side of the long stone table in the chamber’s upper platform. Seated on a stone chair, facing away from the doorway, was a slender, gray-haired man.
Esbern. I would not have thought it possible. And yet here he is.
Dardeh slowly observed the space beyond Esbern. To the left were some tall book cabinets – one at least, and maybe more. Between him and the books were several low wardrobes. The glint of soul gems atop the nearest suggested an enchanting table might be behind. The glow of cavern mushrooms beneath the dragon skulls told him the table there was an alchemy station, and that the person approaching it was Delphine.
He took a deep breath.
This is going to be hard.
Dardeh glanced at the other two and began approaching the two Blades, waiting until he was fairly close to the table to clear his throat. Esbern turned to face him, looking as unconcerned over Dardeh’s showing up after nearly twenty years as he might have been to find a raindrop falling through the open ceiling above his head. Delphine, though, snapped her head around to stare at Dardeh in open-mouthed amazement, followed by tight-lipped anger.
“So you decided to ignore my message, Dragonborn? Assuming that you’re welcome here when you’re not? Always full of yourself. We even heard that you left Whiterun on the back of a dragon, all those years ago. That’s a little showy, even for you.”
Dardeh couldn’t help but laugh.
“Yes, Delphine. It was the only way to get to Skuldafn and then to Sovngarde, where Alduin was. But obviously you knew Alduin was dead.”
Delphine’s mouth fell open again. “Your voice! It’s, um…”
Dardeh sighed. “Gone. Yes. I’m not the Dragonborn any longer, Delphine.”
Delphine’s brows furrowed. “How can you not be Dragonborn when you have the blood of a dragon?”
She has a point.
“I do still have that blood. We’ve determined that much. But no, I can’t use the Voice any longer. It’s a long story. I did kill Alduin, though. The World-Eater has been gone for a long time now.”
Esbern had come around the end of the long stone table, and peered at Dardeh. “You did it just as the prophecy said. I knew you could do it. I still didn’t think I’d live to see this day. Thank you. You did a great service for us all. I believed in you, and yet…”
Dardeh raised one eyebrow. “And yet?”
“And yet you’re still not welcome here, Dragonborn,” Delphine finished. “We have nothing to discuss. I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
Dardeh felt his irritation rising. Somehow Delphine had always managed to anger him thus, and even after twenty years she had done it again. I told her I’m not the Dragonborn anymore and she’s acting as though I said nothing at all.
“We came all the way out here to talk to you,” said a light but bristly voice. Both Dardeh and Delphine turned to see Qara approaching, her expression defiant. Dardeh recognized the tone of her voice and the way she held her body. She was of the dragon blood, and she was not happy.
He spoke up, quickly, trying to defuse the situation. It was one thing for him to trade barbs with the older woman, but there was no reason for Qara to be in Delphine’s bad graces as well.
“This is my niece, Delphine. Qaralana. She’s Dragonborn. Truly the Dragonborn, with the ability to absorb a dragon’s soul.”
Delphine peered at Qara and then shook her head. “I still can’t have you here, Dardeh. Not until the matter is settled.”
Qara had just opened her mouth to say something – Dardeh didn’t know what, but feared it would be as hot-tempered as what was roiling through his mind at the moment – when a deep voice took Delphine’s attention away.
“I didn’t realize that the Blades were in the habit of refusing assistance to the Dragonborn,” Harald said, approaching the group from behind Delphine.
Delphine frowned. “You have a great deal of nerve coming here, Ulfric,” she snarled.
“King Ulfric is a busy man,” Harald said, a small twitch of his mouth the closest thing to a smirk Dardeh had ever seen on him. “Leaving the Palace isn’t something he does often, these days.”
Delphine whirled to stare at him. “Wait, you’re…”
“Harald. Harald Stormcloak. I’d add ‘at your service,’ but I would find it difficult to offer my services to someone who won’t even honor her organization’s traditions.”
“Now wait just a minute,” Delphine snapped.
Dardeh watched – partially in dread and partially in amusement – as Harald slowly pulled off the gauntlet that had been covering his ring. He held his hand up, extending it toward the wide-eyed Blades leader. Dardeh frowned in confusion. He felt an aura extending from Harald’s hand, a weak field of some sort of magic. But he personally had very little magic aside from healing, and the thu’um that he could no longer use, and he couldn’t identify what he was feeling.
“The Moon-and-Star!” she breathed, in awe. “You’re wearing the ring! Ulfric Stormcloak’s son is wearing the Moon-and-Star? How is that even…? I…”
Dardeh watched Harald’s face closely. This was his moment of truth. Or deception, I suppose. What will he do with this shred of possibility?
And is Delphine honorable enough to realize she needs to stop being so stubborn and at least find out why we’re here?
“The Blades were sworn to serve the Dragonborn,” Harald said, speaking slowly and clearly, without a hint of emotion of any kind. “And before that – or maybe even concurrently with that, for a time – in the absence of a Dragonborn they served the Nerevarine, assisting in the defeat of Dagoth Ur. I know these to be facts about the Blades, facts that were once commonly known even if they are no longer so familiar to people. I would think this ring might be enough to earn the Dragonborn, her uncle, and one of her dearest friends at least an audience. Wouldn’t you?” Harald smiled at her and began pulling his gauntlet on again. “That is all we ask.”
Dardeh was glad Delphine was looking at Harald and not at him, so that he didn’t have to hide his grin. He could see a red flush creep up her neck, even from where he stood.
She didn’t have a chance to examine the ring, but it doesn’t matter. There’s not a soul alive brave enough to put it on to test its authenticity. Except for this young man, and the actual Nerevarine. No lies were told. And it doesn’t even matter whether it’s real. She’s been called out for her hypocrisy and she knows it.
Very nicely done, Harald. There is much more to you than I suspected. You may be young but you’ve clearly paid attention to the ways your elders work.
“Yes. Of course. We’ll discuss why you’re here.” She glared at Dardeh. “I’m not ungrateful for what you did, Dardeh. Obviously. Esbern spoke for both of us in that respect. But there’s still the matter of Paarthurnax.”
“Ok, my turn,” Qaralana chimed in. “What is it about Paarthurnax that’s so important? I really don’t understand. What I do know is that there are dragons absolutely everywhere right now.”
Harald looked at Qara and raised his eyebrow.
“For what it’s worth,” Delphine said, “I have heard rumors of dragons even as far west as Arnima, but they’re just rumors.”
“See, Harald?” Qara said, grinning at him. “And there was one on Falskaar. At least I saw a dragon. I don’t know if it was one. It’s a long story. What’s important is that they’re everywhere again.”
Harald coughed. “Just everywhere.”
Qara stomped on the floor. “Don’t cross me, Harald Stormcloak. We’re here to find out about Paarthurnax, anyway.” She turned to Delphine. “I’ve met him. He helped me. He’s supposed to have all the other dragons under control according to Uncle Dar.”
“That was my understanding, Delphine, after I returned from killing Alduin,” Dardeh said. “I had no reason to doubt him at the time, seeing as he’d helped me get there in the first place. And after the first few years following, well, the calls for us to go take out a dragon have been very infrequent.”
“So we were wondering,” Qara said, “or at least I was, wondering what could be wrong with him. Do you think he’s sick and that’s why the other dragons are attacking again? Is it something else? Why did you want Uncle Dar to kill him? After all, he helped defeat Alduin.”
Delphine snorted. “Yes he did. He betrayed the head of his order.”
“His brother,” Dardeh murmured. Then he caught himself, hoping nobody had heard him say that. I’m not supposed to be influencing this discussion. I’m supposed to listen. I need to listen.
“Well isn’t that a good thing?” Qara asked. “If he hadn’t done that the world wouldn’t even exist by now.”
“It was a good thing, yes. We needed his help. Now we don’t. Here’s the thing, Dragonborn. He helped Alduin enslave our ancestors. He betrayed Alduin in the end, yes. But that makes him worse, not better. We can’t afford to give Paarthurnax the opportunity to betray us in turn.”
Harald cleared his throat. “My father told me the story he learned from the Greybeards. When the mortals of this land rebelled against the dragons, Alduin and the rest started slaughtering them. Is that wrong?”
Delphine laughed. “I’m not surprised to hear that’s Paarthurnax’s version. It wasn’t so much the people rebelling against the dragons as it was the dragons deciding that they would leave no mortal being alive. The ‘rebellion,’ if you want to call it that, started later and was just the people trying to stay alive. And that’s just my point. There’s nothing to keep Paarthurnax from reconsidering his opinions and resuming the slaughter. There’s no reason to let him live now that Alduin is dead.”
Qara looked back and forth between Delphine and Dardeh, her face clearly showing that she wanted someone to tell her what to do. Dardeh shook his head. He had his own confusion to deal with. I know something else about this situation – something they do not – but I can’t muddy the waters with it. Not now.
Esbern spoke up, his voice gentle but firm. “Justice can be harsh. But it is still justice. Paarthurnax deserves to die. It’s true that he turned traitor to Alduin and the dragon cult, but that does not excuse or expiate his previous deeds. Whether or not he has truly repented or merely acted to save himself, justice demands that he pay with his life.”
The old man turned and walked away, turning to face them after a few steps. He beckoned toward Qara and Harald.
“Follow me, children. I will show you the records of his deeds, carved into Alduin’s Wall. And then I hope you will return to us soon, with the news that justice has finally been done. With both Alduin and Paarthurnax dead, a dark chapter in history will finally be closed.”
Dardeh nodded to Qara and waited until she and Harald were out of earshot before turning to face Delphine.
“I know you don’t like me, Delphine. We’ve never had love lost between us. But know this: there’s a potential crisis arising again after all these years and I am dead set on letting Qaralana decide how she wants to handle it. It’s not my decision to make, anymore. I’ll help her as best I can, whatever she decides, because I know what it means to be Dragonborn and to have fate deciding your life for you. I hope you’ll at least give me credit for that.” He turned toward the stairs that led outside. Without looking back at Delphine, he added: “I’ll be outside. Tell them to come get me when they’re ready.”
He didn’t wait for an answer.
The outside of Sky Haven Temple – the beautiful patio he’d seen from a far distance as a young man – was shrouded by fog. He walked to the ornate stone table near the cliff’s edge and took a seat, staring off into the distance.
It reminds me of the Throat of the World. Shrouded in mists. I can’t clear them anymore. All I can do is sit, and think, and hope I am able to do whatever Qara needs me to do.
My mind is just as clouded as it was when I first met Delphine. I don’t know if I did the right thing then, and I don’t know whether I’m doing the right thing now.
I want to meditate on a Word of Power, Paarthurnax. I just don’t know what that word might be.
