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<\/p>\nDardeh stood at the end of the bed, smiling down at Roggi. He\u2019d finally fallen asleep. Not content to stay in the tower at Helgen, he\u2019d insisted that they make the long track west, back around Lake Ilinalta to their own home.<\/p>\n
\u201cLydia needs to know what\u2019s going on,\u201d he\u2019d told Dardeh. \u201cAnd the kids need a hug from their papas.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOk, Roggi. If that\u2019s what you want to do, that\u2019s what we\u2019ll do,\u201d he had said.<\/p>\n
What worried him now, and kept him awake, was the fact that once they\u2019d gotten underway it had seemed as though Roggi was perfectly normal. Dardeh knew better.\u00a0 Roggi had been barely responsive at the Thalmor prison. He\u2019d been deeply disturbed by everything surrounding Valerius\u2019 death, to say nothing of all the other events of recent days.\u00a0 There was no possibility that he could suddenly be completely free of all that distress, so very soon after leaving the scene of the massacre.<\/p>\n
And yet, he\u2019d seemed completely normal as they\u2019d walked into their home and greeted the children. He and Lydia had teased each other while he made tea; and though he\u2019d been serious telling her that they\u2019d need to return to Helgen the following day and giving her a brief rundown of what had transpired there, he had given no sign of being overly disturbed by the situation. Dardeh knew that it had to be a fa\u00e7ade of calm.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Roggi had reassured him, once they changed out of their armor. \u201cI\u2019m fine, Dar,\u201d he\u2019d said, gathering Dardeh up for a kiss before going to help Lydia make the tea. \u201cDon\u2019t worry about me. We did what had to be done and now we can move forward. I\u2019m looking forward to a bit of a rest before we have to go back for the service tomorrow, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n
And yes, Dardeh had been looking forward to the rest.\u00a0 He had enough cuts and bruises for a lifetime. He\u2019d rather have dropped pieces of rubble on a foot than to have gotten some of those bruises the way they\u2019d happened, but their lot had not been to physically rebuild Helgen, after all. There were plenty of normal people \u2013 people who hadn\u2019t been warped almost beyond recognition by events over which they exercised only the tiniest bit of control \u2013 who were fully engaged in clearing the mess Alduin had left behind.\u00a0 He and Roggi had been needed elsewhere. And yet it seemed almost as though they were being punished, somehow, for something.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t understand it. All I know is that somewhere, somehow, Roggi is going to break. And if I\u2019m not careful, I\u2019m going to, as well.<\/em><\/p>\n He watched Roggi sleeping, for a few moments, but was himself not sleepy. He turned to leave the room and was suddenly hit with an overwhelming moment of d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu.<\/p>\n It had been not that very many days previous.\u00a0 He and Roggi had been smiling at each other, the intimate smiles that invariably followed a private interlude. He\u2019d been finishing the adjustments to his armor and opened the doors to find Rayya standing just outside them.<\/p>\n I probably looked like a sun-ripened tomato. She was there, outside our door. She probably heard everything. Roggi saw her and went from being relaxed and happy to looking like a thundercloud about to burst in just a breath or two. I didn\u2019t know what to make of it except that I know what she wanted from me – and to think that she was listening?\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n And now she\u2019s dead. And it was my doing. And Valerius is dead and I could almost blame that on myself, too; I led him to the prison, after all. I should have known better.<\/em><\/p>\n Dardeh closed the door to their bedroom and sat in the chair just outside it, trying to relax his body and mind and failing miserably. No matter how often he went over it he couldn\u2019t quite make sense of everything that had happened.<\/p>\n She was my housecarl, and then she was some vampire\u2019s thrall. If she hadn\u2019t died by stepping into my fire breath then, we would have had to put her down at some other point. I know that. But\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n But there was something special about her. And now she\u2019s gone. And it\u2019s my doing.<\/em><\/p>\n Lydia had been understandably shocked when they\u2019d told her why she hadn\u2019t seen Rayya for several days. She\u2019d shouldered the unfortunate responsibility of telling Sofie and Lucia that Rayya wouldn\u2019t be coming back. The children had taken it in stride, as they so often had needed to take in bad news in their short lives. Lydia had given both Dardeh and Roggi a warm hug and then helped make tea, asking no further questions and passing no obvious judgments.<\/p>\n We\u2019ve all had to do things in the last couple of years that we\u2019ve regretted. Lydia\u2019s no exception. I\u2019m so very fortunate that she came back to us. She understands it all.<\/em><\/p>\n He thought again about the vampires. Roggi had been warning him for a long time now that there was something going on, specific to him, with respect to the vampires, and he\u2019d ignored the warnings. Now he couldn\u2019t do that any longer. He didn\u2019t know why he was being targeted, but he definitely was. He was going to have to deal with the problem sooner rather than later, or someone else close to him was going to die as a result.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know what to do about this. There\u2019s only one person in the world who I can ask for guidance on this matter, and I can\u2019t very well leave Roggi for a trip to Riften right at the moment, can I.<\/em><\/p>\n And then there\u2019s Sayma. I don\u2019t understand how she can absorb a dragon soul if she can\u2019t use Dovahzul. There\u2019s something important about that, as well, and I don\u2019t believe there\u2019s anyone alive who can help us with that. Unless\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n No. I\u2019m not making another trip up that mountain unless it\u2019s absolutely necessary.<\/em><\/p>\n After a long while, Dardeh\u2019s mind quieted enough that he was able to stand, and stretch, and go back in to the bedroom to get a bit of rest.\u00a0 And the next day, as they prepared to make the trip back to Helgen, he knelt before the shrine of Talos they kept there in their private quarters, and asked forgiveness for whatever he might have done to cause so much anguish in the world, and for guidance to deal with the days ahead.<\/p>\n Roggi was sitting near the fireplace when he finally reached the ground floor.\u00a0 Dardeh frowned; for while Roggi had been cheerful and his manner light when they first rose for the day, he was once more looking like a man with a cloud over his head, staring at a spot on the floor without seeming to focus on it.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you ready?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n Roggi didn\u2019t look up for a moment.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah. Sure.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRoggi? You OK? We need to get back up there before nightfall.\u201d<\/p>\n It was as though Roggi threw some sort of lever in his mind. He looked up at Dardeh and grinned, the mischievous smile Dardeh loved to see.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s get going, then. Wouldn\u2019t want to keep them waiting.\u201d\u00a0 He stood and made his way to the door, stopping halfway there to give Lydia a quick hug as she came up from the bedroom that was now exclusively hers once more.<\/p>\n Dardeh wasn\u2019t fooled, though. The smile had been there; but the eyes had still been dark.<\/p>\n I\u2019m travelling to Helgen with the Inquisitor. I hope everything will be alright.<\/em><\/p>\n ___<\/p>\n The light was fading by the time they made it to Helgen; and yet the workers, determined to squeeze every bit of use they could out of a day, were still wrestling lumber into position and hammering nails into it.\u00a0 An armorer\u2019s workbench had been pressed into service for straightening bent nails and salvaging hinges and iron fittings that could safely be reused.\u00a0 There were ladders up against the various keep towers and piles of wood staged at appropriate points.\u00a0 Dardeh couldn\u2019t help but smile.<\/p>\n \u201cLooks like your victories at the Fight Cave went to good use, Roggi,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n Roggi looked pleased with himself. \u201cI\u2019m glad to have been of some use,\u201d he said with a wide grin that looked oddly out of place amidst the somber faces elsewhere on the keep\u2019s grounds. \u201cI\u2019d hate to think that all that time hacking at dragons and fighting Ulfric\u2019s war went to waste. These sword arms have to be good for something, after all.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh nodded. \u201cOf course they were, Roggi.\u201d He smiled. \u201cIf nothing else, those arms have kept me in one piece all this time, and that\u2019s no small feat. I don\u2019t know what the bards will say about all this in years to come, but if they don\u2019t include your name in the songs they\u2019ll have been missing half the story.\u201d<\/p>\n Roggi chuckled but had nothing else to say, in part because they had moved near the central tower.\u00a0 And there, raised up on a carefully-prepared pile of wood, lay the body of Valerius Tiberius Artoria.<\/p>\n \u201cOh,\u201d Roggi murmured, moving to stand at the foot of what was clearly meant to be Valerius\u2019 funeral pyre.\u00a0 Dardeh watched him carefully to be certain that he was going to be all right; but he simply stood there, gazing at the unlit pyre and at Valerius.<\/p>\n Slowly, as the light failed, the yard filled with the Stormcloak soldiers they\u2019d recruited as guards, and the workers who\u2019d decided to stay behind once it was too dark to work, and with the remaining members of the former Keepers of Hattu. Dardeh waited until it appeared that everyone was there, and then approached Marcus Jannus, who was standing next to a very somber-looking Korst.<\/p>\n \u201cI think everyone\u2019s ready,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n Marcus nodded.\u00a0 \u201cYes. Thank you for coming. Please join the others. I\u2019d like to say a few words.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh moved to the back of the group to observe. Marcus stood silent for a moment facing the gathering and then looked up at them, scanning their faces, and raised his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cI know this must be as difficult for each of you as it is for me,\u201d he began. \u201cMoreso, even. You were his trusted friends, and his inner circle. Of our friend, I can assure each of you this: he told me that he was truly happy again, for the first time in many, many years.\u201d<\/p>\n He stopped and looked from side to side again, and so did Dardeh; it was an impressive group assembled for the purposes of saying goodbye, and in the service of the greater good.\u00a0 He found his eyes beginning to water, and mentally scolded himself. Now is not the time. <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t presume to have words that might assuage the grief that you must feel. You will each have to find your own solace in whatever manner suits each of you best. But if this were a proper military funeral, we would most likely have a musician playing a funeral song. Many of these old songs came from ancient battlefields, and were played at the end of a long day of fighting. They were\u2026 lullabies, meant to signify that all was well.\u201d<\/p>\n He took a few steps forward, joining the group, and then turned to face the pyre.<\/p>\n \u201cOh Valerius,\u201d he said, his voice shaking, \u201cold friend. You will not soon be forgotten. You are safe now. You may finally be at peace, and rest.\u201d<\/p>\n Two soldiers bearing torches stepped forward and touched them to the tinder at the base of the pyre. As the flames began to spread, Korst spoke.<\/p>\n \u201cFor our friend\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe weep,\u201d answered the rest of the group in unison.\u00a0 A chill ran up Dardeh\u2019s spine.<\/p>\n \u201cFor his memory,\u201d Balfring said.<\/p>\n \u201cWe rejoice.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFor this warrior,\u201d one of the other Keepers of Hattu continued.<\/p>\n \u201cWe salute.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh\u2019s tendency toward tears betrayed him once again, as the emotions in the soldiers\u2019 voices tore a hole in his heart. He felt the dampness trickling down his face.<\/p>\n \u201cFor ourselves,\u201d Marcus said.<\/p>\n \u201cWe say goodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh looked toward the pyre and caught his breath.\u00a0 Roggi had approached, and stood mere inches from the flames, silently gazing at Valerius. As the flames licked higher and higher Dardeh watched him in awe. Roggi never moved, never looked away, showed no sign of emotion; he merely paid his respects in silence.<\/p>\n As the mourners began filtering out of the area, one of the soldiers just behind Dardeh spoke up.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s good that the war is finally over. But I wonder what\u2019s going to happen with the Thalmor.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh turned to see who it was, but couldn\u2019t tell in the dark who had spoken.<\/p>\n That is the question, isn\u2019t it. What\u2019s going to happen next? What happens with the Thalmor depends on what happens here, in many ways. Who becomes High King of Skyrim. Who becomes our next Emperor. And whether or not we can rebuild before the inevitable arrives.<\/em><\/p>\n He looked back at the pyre to find Roggi looking at him. The flames were beginning to lick at the cloth on which Valerius\u2019 body lay. Dardeh approached and gave Roggi a small smile.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you ok, love?\u201d<\/p>\n Roggi hesitated for a moment.\u00a0 He shrugged his shoulders.<\/p>\n \u201cNot really. But I will be. Give me just another moment.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh nodded. \u201cI need to go check in with Marcus. We need to make sure he knows about Falco and find out whether he needs us for anything more. Come with me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll follow you in a second.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAlright.\u201d Dardeh started toward the keep and then paused, turning back to see Roggi still standing silent vigil beside the pyre, as its flames began to consume Valerius\u2019 body.\u00a0 It occurred to him then that no matter how close they were, no matter how desperately he loved the man standing next to the pyre, he could never truly know what went on inside him.<\/p>\n Several others of the Stormcloak guards were entering the keep as he reached the door, and they all ended up gathering in the main entrance at the same time.\u00a0 Marcus was there, moving from one person to the next, speaking quietly; and again Dardeh was struck by what an exemplary job Marcus was doing under almost intolerable conditions.\u00a0 He watched quietly from the sidelines until Marcus was free and looked up at him.<\/p>\n \u201cMarcus, have you been filled in on what happened with Falco?\u201d<\/p>\n Marcus nodded. \u201cYes. Yes I have. Please come with me. Korst is meeting us downstairs. Let\u2019s get this over with as quickly as we can.\u201d<\/p>\n They were at the top of the stairs when Dardeh heard the door open behind him. Roggi had let himself in quietly.\u00a0 Dardeh smiled at him and motioned toward the stairs, and Roggi followed.<\/p>\n Falco was kneeling, hands bound behind his back, in what had once been a torture chamber. Dardeh\u2019s memory once again flew back to the moment when he and Ralof had come through this very space. For some reason he particularly remembered the small table that was still tucked up against one of the support pillars. Back then it had held two of the lockpicks that had allowed him to reach a few gold pieces in the cells \u2013 gold pieces that had made such a difference to restarting his life after Alduin\u2019s attack; maybe that\u2019s why he would never forget the smell of the place, or exactly how the lockpicks had lain on the table, clean and ready in spite of the spattered blood that had covered the rest of the room. Now the space was being used as a barracks.\u00a0 Still, though, there were cells just down the hall, and Falco had been kept in one of those during the past two days.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Falco,\u201d Marcus said calmly. \u201cYou succeeded in getting Valerius killed. I hope you\u2019re happy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMarcus, I\u2019m so sorry!\u201d Falco cried. \u201cThey had my sister. They told me they would kill her!\u00a0 And her children! They\u2019re all the family I have left. Please. Marcus.\u201d He trailed off, perhaps realizing that nothing he could say would change the facts of the matter.<\/p>\n \u201cFalco, did you really think you could negotiate with those maggots? Did you really think you could trust them? You are a fool.\u201d Marcus sighed heavily. \u201cGods, what am I going to do with you?\u201d<\/p>\n Korst, who had been standing quietly off to one side, raised his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cHe is a traitor, and should die a traitor\u2019s death!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re probably right, Korst\u2026 I\u2026 don\u2019t know.\u201d Marcus clearly wanted nothing to do with making a decision of this magnitude. He turned to Dardeh.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think about all this? I\u2019m concerned that Valerius\u2019 death may cloud my judgment. I don\u2019t want to make the wrong decision.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh glanced at Roggi, who had entered the room to stand just behind Marcus. What do you think, Roggi? Tell me what to do. <\/em><\/p>\n Roggi shook his head and started speaking in a voice that spoke of barely-controlled rage.<\/p>\n \u201cThe Thalmor would have killed his family. Probably have killed them. Slowly.\u201d<\/p>\n Falco moaned.<\/p>\n \u201cRoggi.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m just telling you what\u2019s likely to have happened, Dar. You\u2019ve seen my tools. You know what kinds of things we can do with them. Where do you think we learned all those techniques?\u201d\u00a0 He took a few steps away from them, into the shadows, and then turned to face Falco again. \u201cBut to betray your leader. Your friend<\/em>. When he was trying to start a new life for all of you.\u201d\u00a0 His voice rose. \u201cYes, they took your sister. They took Valerius\u2019 wife. And they took mine, too!\u201d He looked back at Dardeh and shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t ask me what ought to be done with him, Dardeh. I can\u2019t help you with this one. It\u2019s\u2026 beyond me.\u201d He stepped back into the shadows.<\/p>\n Dardeh looked back and forth between Falco and Roggi, his heart being torn nearly in half. Neither of these men had deserved to suffer at the hands of the Thalmor, even as indirectly as they had. Valerius hadn\u2019t, either; nor had he deserved to die.\u00a0 And yet Dardeh couldn\u2019t forget \u2013 would never forget \u2013 the sound of Valerius\u2019 voice at the very end. \u201cOh my,\u201d he\u2019d said, an expression of awe and perhaps even joy. He\u2019d wanted nothing more than to be with his family again.<\/p>\n Maybe he\u2019s in Sovngarde. Or maybe they\u2019re all wherever Redguard warriors go when they die, since he was a Keeper of Hattu. You\u2019d think I might know such a thing, and yet I don\u2019t. But I do know that he was at peace when he left us.<\/em><\/p>\n Suddenly he saw the spirit of Jine af-Avik, smiling at him and at Sayma as they arranged his bones in the coffin in Hammerfell. He\u2019d wanted to be at peace, as well. What was it that Jine had kept saying?<\/p>\n \u201cYou must end it.\u201d That\u2019s what he told us. That\u2019s what he told both of us.<\/em><\/p>\n He smiled to himself, and then met Marcus\u2019 gaze.<\/p>\n \u201cHe deserves punishment, there\u2019s no doubt about it. But there\u2019s been enough death today.\u00a0 Don\u2019t kill him. Banish him.\u201d<\/p>\n Marcus looked almost relieved.\u00a0 \u201cYes. Perhaps you\u2019re right.\u201d He raised his voice and waved at Korst. \u201cKorst, release him. Falco, you will not die this day.\u00a0 Not by my hand. But if I ever see you again, I\u2019ll kill you myself.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLikewise,\u201d Roggi rumbled from the shadows.<\/p>\n \u201cNow go to whatever fate the gods may have in store for you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh gods,\u201d Falco said, rising to his feet as Korst released his bonds. \u201cThank you, Marcus. But\u2026 what have I done? I\u2019ll never be able to live with myself for this. Oh gods, what have I done? Valerius is dead because of me. Oh gods, no!\u201d He broke down as the enormity of what had happened truly registered with him.<\/p>\n \u201cFalco,\u201d Dardeh said quietly. \u201cAll of us who have been involved in this war against the Aldmeri Dominion have blood on our hands in one way or another. Yes, you betrayed Valerius. But what if I had refused to take him to the prison? Am I not equally responsible for his death?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDar, no,\u201d Roggi snarled.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Roggi. And what if Valerius had refused to go? No, there\u2019s guilt enough to go around. It\u2019s just that\u2026\u201d he sighed. \u201cFalco, you have the largest portion of it to bear. It\u2019s a heavy load to carry. Just never forget.\u201d Falco caught a sob in his throat and turned away.\u00a0 Dardeh didn\u2019t bother watching where he went; he simply hoped the guards would take him to the border of Cyrodiil and push him through the gates to the other side.<\/p>\n Viggun, who had been with them on their trip through Staadomaar, stopped to speak to him. \u201cIs it true that those Thalmor bastards are selling slaves from Skyrim? They should die a thousand deaths.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh was about to answer him, but stopped as he saw Roggi approaching. Instead, he held a finger up to his mouth. Viggun glanced at Roggi and then back at Dardeh, nodding that he understood. He walked away, only to be replaced by Alof.<\/p>\n \u201cHail Dragonborn. The Savior of Skyrim!\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, well, you know as well as I do that I bleed just like everyone else, Alof. But thanks.\u201d<\/p>\n Alof saluted and left to help shepherd Falco out of Skyrim. Marcus then approached.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s right, though. This whole thing with Falco has been a mess. And we\u2019ve paid with it by our dearest blood. But were it not for you we\u2019d probably all be dead now. We owe you our lives. Seems all I do lately is keep thanking you for your help.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cKilling him wouldn\u2019t have changed anything. It was the right thing to do.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI believe now that we can finally put all these things behind us and live in peace.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI hope so,\u201d Dardeh said. But behind Marcus, Roggi was pacing back and forth, in and out of what once had been the torturer\u2019s office. It\u2019s time to get him out of here before he explodes. <\/em>\u201cAny new updates on the town?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes! Well as you can see, the construction continues to move along nicely, now that we have lumber. Patsy will run the inn for now; and Cienna and Balfring have both decided that they wish to retire from being soldiers and open a blacksmithing shop, and who am I to stand in their way? They should be open for business soon if you need anything.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAw darn it,\u201d Dardeh laughed. \u201cI\u2019d been about ready to apply for the job myself.\u201d<\/p>\n Marcus chuckled. \u201cThere\u2019s also one of the workers, an Argonian woman, who wants to open an alchemy shop once the construction is finished. As far as I\u2019m concerned, she\u2019s earned it; and any town worth its weight needs an alchemy shop.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat about Korst and Altan?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cKorst?\u201d Marcus laughed. \u201cHe\u2019ll never retire. He\u2019ll die an old soldier with his boots still on. That\u2019s just what he does. But this is a good thing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou won\u2019t need to look far for a captain of the guard, then.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRight. Altan will stay on and help Korst while he continues his studies of the old Redguard ways of the sword-singers. It\u2019s such a shame that art has been lost to the sands of time and history. Maybe he can learn enough to revive the old ways some day. When people lose connection with their heritage, they lose a part of themselves, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh closed his eyes for a moment at that, as it felt like one of his own very sharp scimitars had stabbed into his heart. Yes, I know.<\/em> Again, he saw Jine, who ran through the desert as one born to it; who sliced through his enemies like a blacksmith sliced through molten steel.\u00a0 He saw his own father, twisted by hate and tied to a world he had long since left, but still holding to his own version of his Redguard heritage.<\/p>\n Yes. I lost a part of myself, for a very long time.\u00a0 Maybe I was never meant to have it. Maybe the Dragonborn blood was too strong for me to have held it as either a pure Redguard or a pure Nord. Maybe I\u2019ll never know.<\/em><\/p>\n He opened his eyes again and smiled. \u201cWhat about you, Marcus?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho, me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou are Marcus, yes?\u201d<\/p>\n He laughed. \u201cWell, I\u2019ve decided to reach out to a few wholesalers I know and start up the old shop again, right here in Helgen! So keep your eyes peeled for the store to open. I\u2019m sure we\u2019ll find something you can use. A couple of the construction workers have said they\u2019ll stay on and work around town \u2013 you know, general maintenance and so forth. We\u2019ll sure need them! A couple others have said they may even join the town guard.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell it sounds like things are going well. But Helgen will need a leader.\u201d He grinned at Marcus.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, my leading days are over. I\u2019m ready to settle down and lead a quiet life. When we\u2019re ready, we\u2019ll most likely set up a small town council.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLike Riverwood, you mean? They seem to more or less govern themselves unless the Jarl needs to step in during a crisis.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cExactly. We\u2019ll likely take turns acting as a sort of executive officer. But none of this would ever have been possible without you.\u201d<\/p>\n None of it would have been necessary without me. Alduin came to Helgen looking for me.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cThis new town owes its very existence to you. To both of you,\u201d he added, turning to nod at Roggi.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd Valerius,\u201d Roggi said softly.<\/p>\n \u201cYes. Valerius too. I intend to do something to commemorate those who lost their lives here. Don\u2019t be a stranger, my friends. Make sure to visit us when the shops are up and running; I\u2019m sure they\u2019ll give you their best prices. I\u2019m proud, very proud to have known you both, and I cherish the privilege of calling you my friends.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Marcus,\u201d Dardeh said. \u201cWe\u2019re not that far away. Just at the other end of the lake. If you\u2019re passing by on your way to Markarth or Solitude, stop and see us.\u201d<\/p>\n He waved to Roggi, who was still pacing back and forth in front of the cage. Time to get him out of here.<\/em><\/p>\n He led them out of the keep and into the private tower. \u201cI thought we could stay here tonight, is that ok?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah. Good idea,\u201d Roggi said, dumping himself heavily into a branch-construction armchair next to the fire. He ran a hand over his face and sighed. \u201cI\u2019m \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re what?\u201d Dardeh asked, lowering himself to the floor beside Roggi. \u201cYou looked like a caged animal in there, Roggi. What\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t give me that. I may not be a mastermind at reading other people like you and Brynjolf, but I know you well enough to know when something\u2019s bothering you. Spill.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s nothing, Dardeh.\u201d<\/p>\n Oh, so he uses my full name? He really is upset, isn\u2019t he?<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cRight. The last time I saw you this upset was the night after Ulfric broke your rib.\u201d<\/p>\n To his utter amazement, Roggi made a sound that was half an angry growl and half a sob.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t be distressed because Valerius died at the hands of the damned Thalmor?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell of course you can. We all are. But I saw you there at his pyre, Roggi. It\u2019s more than that.\u00a0 What\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n Roggi started speaking, softly.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s Ulfric, Dar. It\u2019s always Ulfric. You know it\u2019s always him. Always, always Ulfric gods-damned Stormcloak.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh felt a little hurt, a little betrayed; but Ulfric was after all wound up in his experience of Helgen, too. Moreso than Roggi\u2019s even, when he thought about it, remembering how hurt he\u2019d been at Ulfric\u2019s all-too-obvious dismissal of him as just another Redguard, that day in the cart. He pushed the hurt down as far as he could.\u00a0 There was more to this than Roggi was saying, and he didn\u2019t know what.<\/p>\n \u201cRoggi. You and Ulfric have a history that will always be a part of both your lives. You can\u2019t change that. But I don\u2019t understand what that has to do with us rebuilding Helgen. I was here with Ulfric when Alduin destroyed it. You weren\u2019t here; you were in Kynesgrove. What\u2026 else?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s all been jumbled up in my head for so long, Dar. I don\u2019t even know how to explain it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, try. You need to get rid of this, whatever it is.\u201d<\/p>\n He leaned forward in his chair, staring at the floor in the way he had been doing since they\u2019d killed Aerandil. He opened and shut his mouth a couple of times as if he was going to begin talking, and Dardeh was once again reminded of that night in Windhelm when Roggi had looked at him, almost pleading, and asked \u201ccan I tell you this? Really?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe Thalmor killed Valerius\u2019 family. They raped his wife, Dar. And his daughter.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, that was hard to hear.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey killed Briinda, too. They raped her and then they killed her.\u201d He furrowed his brow as though he didn\u2019t quite know how to connect the two in his own mind, much less describe what he was thinking to anyone else. \u201cAnd it was my fault.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh gasped. \u201cHow?<\/em> How in the name of Talos was that your fault?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was Ulfric, Dar. All the things we did together, all the things I did for him. All the killing, and the\u2026\u201d His right hand clenched and drew a vertical line in front of him, as if he was drawing a knife. \u201cI had to get away. I had to get away from him, and from me, and from all the lies, and the blood, and the screaming.\u201d<\/p>\n And then something happened that Dardeh had never seen, not a single time in the entirety of his experience with Roggi Knot-Beard.<\/p>\n Roggi started to cry.<\/p>\n \u201cI wanted it to be more than it was, Dar. He<\/em> wanted it to be more than it was. Both of us\u2026 we wanted\u2026 something that just wasn\u2019t ever going to happen.\u00a0 And all the time I was married to Briinda. This awful thing. I hated myself.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh sighed. He\u2019d feared hearing this thing. I always knew it, from that first night in Windhelm. He\u2019s tried to keep it from me, all this time, and I knew it anyway.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYou were in love with Ulfric, weren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n Roggi put his head in his hands. \u201cYes. I was. It\u2019s so hard to say that, Dar. I didn\u2019t want to be. But I wanted it at the same time. I had to get away from him. I had to leave. I couldn\u2019t stay there a moment longer. It was killing me. Briinda didn\u2019t deserve it and I thought if we could just get away\u2026\u201d He wiped a hand across his face and continued. \u201cIt was killing me, and it killed her. If we hadn\u2019t been in such a hurry\u2026 if I\u2019d asked Ulfric for men to come with us. Or something. Anything<\/em>. But she died. They all died. All except me, the one who deserved it most. And then I hated Ulfric for it, all these years.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, he did start it, Roggi.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe did. And he knows it. And he tried to use it against me. But he created the Inquisitor, Dar. He knows that, too. And he knows I can\u2019t\u2026 control it.\u201d\u00a0 His hands clenched and unclenched again.<\/p>\n \u201cSure you can. I\u2019ve only seen you lose your grip a couple of times.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA couple of times is too many, Dar. I\u2019m a weapon. He made me into a weapon.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell so am I, when you think about it.\u201d Dardeh ran a hand through his hair.<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t see me in the Fight Cave. Nobody stood a chance. And the one man. I made him scream\u2026 And Dar, you didn\u2019t see what I did to the Dunmer in Ulfric\u2019s dungeon. I got the information but I\u2026\u201d\u00a0 He stopped, his brow furrowed, his fists clenched, the muscles in his jaws bulging as he forced the words out through his teeth.<\/p>\n \u201cBut Roggi, what does all of this \u2013 difficult as it is \u2013 have to do with \u2026 this?\u201d He gestured to the room around them.<\/p>\n \u201cValerius. He couldn\u2019t let go of it, Dar. Years and years, and he couldn\u2019t let go of the hatred. You heard Marcus tell us the story. You listened to Val talk about the Thalmor. He hated them so much that he\u2026\u201d Roggi\u2019s voice caught in his throat for a moment. \u201cHe couldn\u2019t move forward. He couldn\u2019t be happy, ever again. All he could do was hate. And that\u2019s why he\u2019s dead.\u201d<\/p>\n He raised his face to look at Dardeh. It was streaked, his tears having worked down through the soot from the funeral pyre he\u2019d tended at close range. \u201cI watched Valerius burning, and I knew. I have to stop, Dar. I have to stop blaming everything on the bandits, and the Thalmor. And most of all I have to stop blaming everything on Ulfric. It\u2019s the only way I can keep living. You probably hate me now. But it couldn\u2019t be as much as I hate myself.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh scooted closer to Roggi, and got up on his knees so that he could take Roggi\u2019s face in his hands.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Roggi,\u201d he said softly. \u201cI could never hate you. You\u2019re the reason the gods put me here in this world. I love you. And I love Briinda because she loved you.\u00a0 And I \u2026 tolerate\u2026 Ulfric. Because he loved you.\u201d He pulled Roggi closer. \u201cAll of us. Sayma and Brynjolf. And Lydia. And your friends in Kynesgrove. We have loved you for a reason, Roggi. It is because you are a very, very good man. Let go of it. Let go of the hate. We go forward from here.\u201d<\/p>\n Roggi buried his head against Dardeh\u2019s shoulder and sobbed. He wept, and wept, as if all of the tears he hadn\u2019t shed for the past decade were trying to escape him all at once. Dardeh just held him. And after a long time had passed, he led Roggi up the stairs to the bedroom of the private tower, and undressed him, and slipped into the bed beside him.<\/p>\n And he held him close, with an ache in his heart that he knew would never quite go away again.<\/p>\n Dardeh stood at the end of the bed, smiling down at Roggi. He\u2019d finally fallen asleep. Not content to stay in the tower at Helgen, he\u2019d insisted that they make the long track west, back around Lake Ilinalta to their own home. \u201cLydia needs to know what\u2019s going on,\u201d he\u2019d told Dardeh. \u201cAnd the kids … <\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/baakay.com\/FanFic\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/5-1-25-2.png\")
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<\/p>\nPart I: Modulation<\/a><\/div>\nPrevious<\/a> \/ Next<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"