![\"\"](\"https:\/\/baakay.com\/FanFic\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/3-1-14-1.png\")
<\/p>\nAndante stood before the tanning rack, methodically breaking down leather into strips.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t that he needed more leather strips, it was just that tearing leather was one of the mindless things he could do to occupy himself while his mind was racing. He had stepped away from Brynjolf, pushed past him into the room and begun working on things \u2013 smelting ore, preparing fur plates and now simply tearing, tearing, tearing as he failed to calm himself. He didn\u2019t know where Brynjolf was at the moment, and didn\u2019t think he could bear to go looking.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Brynjolf had tried to make conversation, briefly.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo what is it that we have to do now, lad?\u201d<\/p>\n
Andante had been so distracted by his own thoughts that it had taken him a moment to come back to reality.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s a place called Dimhollow Crypt. We need to go there. Or at least I do\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
His statements had dribbled off into nothingness as he began doing mindless work.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes?\u201d Brynjolf asked.\u00a0 \u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n
I have never cared about anyone but myself before, so far as I know.\u00a0 Maybe there was someone, before, but I\u2019ll never know it. And what was I, before, that I should have earned this punishment \u2013 to know that what I\u2019ve been feeling will never be returned? <\/em><\/p>\n He frowned, his brow furrowed harder than he could ever remember furrowing it before. He couldn\u2019t have been a good person.\u00a0 He knew that without question.\u00a0 No, I was some kind of monster, just as I am now.\u00a0 I must have been.\u00a0 And I didn\u2019t love anyone and nobody loved me, and it\u2019s the same now \u2013 with one difference. <\/em><\/p>\n A good person wouldn\u2019t have known, without being taught, how to kill another without being heard, or seen, he thought.\u00a0 That was a skill learned through long practice. A good person wouldn\u2019t have been able to reach into a pocket and, without being heard or felt, remove a gemstone or a bottle of skooma.<\/p>\n That thought stopped him cold, in mid-tear, and a powerful urge flooded over him, crowding out any other thoughts he\u2019d been having. He straightened; then he turned and walked out the door, stopping to drop the leather strips in the bottom drawer of the cabinet near the door.\u00a0 He strode across the open space toward the bedroom, and had just begun leaning down to slide open the table on the left side of the bed when he heard Brynjolf behind him.<\/p>\n \u201cStop.\u201d<\/p>\n His shoulders drooped, and he sighed, but he stopped where he was.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause you\u2019re human right now and you know what can happen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes. It didn\u2019t happen to you, though, did it? It can, but it won\u2019t, because I\u2019m not an addict.\u201d<\/p>\n He heard Brynjolf\u2019s soft footsteps approaching him from behind.<\/p>\n \u201cHow do you know that, lad?\u201d he said, softly. \u201cYou\u2019ve had a powerful habit, ever since I\u2019ve known you.\u00a0 It had to have come from somewhere.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante stared at the floor, chewing the inside of his mouth, thinking about it.\u00a0 He\u2019s right; I do have a bad habit. I want some, desperately, and I shouldn\u2019t. <\/em>As soon as he\u2019d had the thought, the desire had begun gnawing at him. And he\u2019s right, I don\u2019t have any way to know whether I was an addict at some point or not.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYes. Of course. You\u2019re right, why wouldn\u2019t you be right?\u00a0 It had to have come from somewhere,\u201d he answered, not turning around, frustrated beyond reason.\u00a0 Words began tumbling out of him, a great rush of frustration that turned to anger.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd I don\u2019t know where that somewhere was, Brynjolf, damn it all. I do not know. I do not know why I was in prison clothes and beaten until I was only half alive. I don\u2019t know who I was, I don\u2019t know what I was, what kinds of things I did or enjoyed or hated. I don\u2019t know whether there ever was a single person in the world who has ever cared whether I lived or died. I have no life aside from what has happened in the last couple of years. It makes me jealous to hear you talk about Dynjyl and do you know why? \u00a0You have a youth that you remember. I don\u2019t. It makes me angry. It makes me want to kill things. And because of all that, I want some gods damned skooma right now because otherwise I am going to go find myself a saber cat and fight it without any weapons.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Andante.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFor what?\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf sighed.<\/p>\n \u201cFor letting myself get all wrapped up in my own problems and forget who I was talking to.\u00a0 That was truly unkind of me. You don\u2019t need to hear about me missing my wife.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you were just telling me the truth,\u201d he said, knowing that he was not succeeding in keeping an edge of sarcasm out of his voice. \u00a0\u201cI don\u2019t know what else I might have expected, truthfully. It\u2019s not as though I didn\u2019t push you as hard as I could. At least there are a lot of things that make sense now, that didn\u2019t, before. If we ever have another meeting with Delvin, Roggi, and Dardeh at least I won\u2019t be the only one in the room without a clue.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd I\u2026 am about to have a nice little break with the help of one of these bottles in here.\u201d He reached for the drawer again.<\/p>\n STOP.\u00a0 NOW.\u00a0 DON\u2019T MOVE.<\/p>\n Andante grimaced, but he couldn\u2019t continue bending.<\/p>\n \u201cDamn it, Brynjolf, let go of me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo. Turn around. I want to tell you something.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante gritted his teeth against the compulsion Brynjolf was exerting on him but couldn\u2019t get the better of it. He turned around, slowly, and looked into Brynjolf\u2019s bottomless golden eyes.\u00a0 And he felt himself drowning, slowly.<\/p>\n \u201cBryn.\u201d\u00a0 Please. Please don\u2019t do this to me.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAndante.\u00a0 Listen to me.\u201d He paused a couple of beats, as though considering his next words very carefully. \u201cYes, I love my wife. I expected to spend the rest of my life with her, but she has made it abundantly clear that will not be the case. I will always love my wife. But she isn\u2019t here now.\u201d<\/p>\n And is this supposed to make me feel better? I seem to be the only one whose feelings do not matter in this equation. Damn you, Brynjolf, you manipulated me\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAnd Dynjyl isn\u2019t here, either. But I look like him, don\u2019t I?\u00a0 Enough to catch your eye, enough for you to want to\u2026\u201d He surprised himself as his voice caught, bitter in his throat.<\/p>\n Brynjolf clearly hadn\u2019t been expecting that. His eyebrows rose and then came together in a frown.<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u00a0 You\u2019re right.\u201d<\/p>\n And there it is. He doesn\u2019t care about me; I was just a means to an end.<\/em><\/p>\n Brynjolf stepped forward, then, and took Andante by the shoulders in a grip that nearly had Andante gasping.\u00a0 By the Eight he\u2019s powerful.\u00a0 This is what it\u2019s like, then, the difference between how I am now and when I was vampire.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re right, and I\u2019m sorry. You didn\u2019t deserve to be used like that.\u00a0 I used you and I will admit it, and I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante sneered. \u201cWell it\u2019s not as though the thought hadn\u2019t occurred to me, my dear. I was\u2026 willing to be used, to some extent.\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf sneered back at him, and his fangs protruded slightly from under his upper lip.\u00a0 \u201cBut you didn\u2019t consider this, did you, lad.\u00a0 I\u2019m still here.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been here, haven\u2019t I.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t just sleep with you, have you turn me, and then leave, did I?\u00a0 Why do you suppose that is?\u201d<\/p>\n Andante grimaced. \u201cBecause I am convenient. And because you know I will do what you want.\u201d<\/p>\n One eyebrow went up. \u201cIs that so? Who was it who was telling me he could snap me in two, not very many nights ago?\u201d<\/p>\n Damn, he\u2019s got me there.<\/em>\u00a0 And physically, as well; Andante wasn\u2019t able to move. \u201cStop, now,\u201d had been far more powerful than his brain was able to overcome.<\/p>\n \u201cWell then, why exactly are you here, still?\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf smiled, and a shudder started somewhere deep in Andante\u2019s core and rolled out through the rest of his body.\u00a0 This wasn\u2019t a happy smile, nor a sardonic one; this was the face he\u2019d seen right after Brynjolf turned, and his eyes were greedy, and dark, and bottomless. \u00a0He stepped closer and dropped one hand down Andante\u2019s back and pulled him close.<\/p>\n \u201cI am here,\u201d he said, slipping his other hand up to begin working the fastenings on Andante\u2019s armor, \u201cbecause you are not like anyone else I\u2019ve ever known.\u00a0 I am here,\u201d he said, leaning forward to run his lips along Andante\u2019s neck, \u201cbecause you taste good, Andante.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante felt himself responding even though he couldn\u2019t move. \u201cDon\u2019t, Bryn, it\u2019s too soon. I have to at least see about Harkon.\u201d<\/p>\n He heard Brynjolf chuckle next to his ear. \u201cOh I won\u2019t bite you, lad. Not tonight.\u201d\u00a0 He brought both hands up to Andante\u2019s chest and continued undoing his armor.\u00a0 \u201cBut I want to.\u00a0 Oh yes, I certainly want to.\u201d He pushed the armor off Andante\u2019s shoulders and began what had grown to seem a familiar exploration with his hands, and lips, and Andante moaned in spite of himself.<\/p>\n \u201cStop it, Bryn. Let me go.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d Brynjolf straightened, and then pushed Andante firmly down onto the bed. \u201cYou\u2019re going to hear this because you need to hear this. We need to get this straightened out between us. It\u2019s high time. I am still here, Andante, because there is nobody else like you. Because I feel alive, and before, I was ready to be dead. \u00a0I\u2019m here because,\u201d he said, his hands teasing, slowly, leaving Andante gasping, \u201cI cannot get enough of you, lad. You know that. But it\u2019s not just that, before you tell me that I just want you for your body. Which is well worth wanting, by the way,\u201d he said, grinning. \u201cIt\u2019s not just that.\u201d<\/p>\n He smiled again, this time a less greedy smile, a more affectionate one.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, you\u2019re not Dynjyl. You look like him, that is true, but you aren\u2019t him.\u00a0 He was\u2026 a boy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe was a married man,\u201d Andante managed to force out.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, and he was just a boy. So was I. We\u2019d have grown apart if he had lived.\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf stood for a moment, just long enough to slip himself out of the supple red leathers Andante had put him in not long before. Then he slid onto the bed next to Andante and continued touching, moving, tasting. It would have been lovely under any circumstances but the fact that Andante couldn\u2019t move, couldn\u2019t respond the way he would have liked, made it all the more tantalizing, almost agonizing.<\/p>\n \u201cYou are you,\u201d Brynjolf murmured. \u201cWhoever that is.\u00a0 You are definitely not a boy. And I,\u201d he continued, leaning forward to brush a brief kiss across Andante\u2019s lips, \u201cwant you. I am a greedy bastard. You\u2019re my bad influence. Whatever it is we\u2019re going to do next, Dimhollow Crypt or whatever comes afterward, I want to do it with you. I don\u2019t know exactly what all of that means, but that is why I\u2019m still here. I am here because I want to be. And I hope that is all right with you.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante felt his arms releasing, and threw them up around Brynjolf\u2019s shoulders to pull him in for a kiss of his own.\u00a0 Then, slowly, Brynjolf released the rest of him from the compulsion and he began returning the attentions he\u2019d been given.<\/p>\n He has me. More for me, he told me the other night.\u00a0 More for me. This is what he meant by that. I will never be free.<\/em><\/p>\n It doesn\u2019t matter why, as long as he\u2019s here. <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWhatever you want, Brynjolf.\u00a0 Just tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n ___<\/p>\n Brynjolf looked down as he finished fastening his armor, grinned, and cleared his throat.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, as you were saying? Dimhollow something?\u201d<\/p>\n Andante stretched and smiled.\u00a0 Damn, I don\u2019t want to move right now.\u00a0 I feel too good to move.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u00a0 The Vigilants of Stendarr \u2013 or what is left of them \u2013 were looking into what they thought was an ancient vampire artifact that\u2019s supposed to be there.\u00a0 I ran into a Vigilant named Tolan who is on his way there now.\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf nodded at him, not quite containing a smirk.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t you think you should get dressed, lad?\u00a0 No matter where we go you might be a wee bit chilly like that.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante chuckled.<\/p>\n \u201cStop ogling, Brynjolf.\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf snorted.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t ogle. But what do you mean, \u2018what\u2019s left of them?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n For a fraction of a moment Andante felt his head swim.\u00a0 I don\u2019t ogle? <\/em>The hair on his neck rose. He sat up and shook his head, hoping the strange sensation would go away.<\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d he said, pushing himself reluctantly to the edge of the bed. \u201cIt sounded to me as though the Hall has been destroyed.\u00a0 Tolan thought vampires burned it to the ground.\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf raised an eyebrow. \u201cDestroyed? Really? That would have taken some talent, to get in that close without being seen and then take all of them out.\u00a0 Then we\u2019d best be looking out for the ones who remain. They\u2019ll be out for blood.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante snickered as he slid into his armor. \u201cNicely done. Your jokes are better when they are accidental, dear.\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf snorted.\u00a0 \u201cGood grief. It wasn\u2019t a joke.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know, I know. You\u2019re right, though.\u00a0 And here\u2019s what else I think.\u00a0 If there truly is some old artifact in that crypt that\u2019s important enough for the Vigilants to be after it, you and I need to get to it before the Dawnguard does.\u00a0 The\u2026 legitimate Dawnguard, that is.\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf nodded. \u201cAgreed.\u00a0 It might be important to our survival.\u00a0 And I don\u2019t know about you, but I intend to survive for a very long time. Let\u2019s be off, then. I think we should take a carriage to Dawnstar and walk from there.\u00a0 It\u2019ll save time. Make sure you pack enough food for yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante stared at him for a moment.\u00a0 I would have forgotten, too, if he hadn\u2019t reminded me.\u00a0 Maybe he does care about me, after all.<\/em>\u00a0 Then he remembered the pat on his back, and smiled.\u00a0 Yes, he really does.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cThanks for the reminder.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t do to have my stomach growl and give us away.\u201d<\/p>\n He made for the door, to leave, and Brynjolf stopped him.\u00a0 He reached for Andante\u2019s face and tipped his chin up, leaned forward, and kissed him, then dropped his hand and smiled.<\/p>\n \u201cOne for the road, shall we say?\u201d<\/p>\n Andante laughed.\u00a0 \u201cOne for the road.\u201d<\/p>\n They\u2019d been underway for quite a good while when Andante started laughing to himself.<\/p>\n He managed to keep me away from the skooma.<\/em><\/p>\n Andante stood before the tanning rack, methodically breaking down leather into strips.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t that he needed more leather strips, it was just that tearing leather was one of the mindless things he could do to occupy himself while his mind was racing. He had stepped away from Brynjolf, pushed past him into the room … <\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/baakay.com\/FanFic\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/3-1-14-2.png\")
<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/baakay.com\/FanFic\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/3-1-14-3.png\")
<\/p>\nPart I: Andante<\/a><\/div>\nPrevious<\/a> \/ Next<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"