I\u2019m starting over again.\u00a0 I have to learn how to be a person \u2013 again.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know who I was or what I could do before and here I am back in the same spot, weak — and vulnerable. Why did I think this was a good idea?<\/em><\/p>\n He felt heavy. He felt slow.\u00a0 He felt as though he was slowing Brynjolf down, and he had to stop every so often \u2013 far too frequently for his taste \u2013 to drink water and nibble on the food they\u2019d had to purchase from the inn in Morthal.\u00a0 It was perfectly distasteful, and he was wracking his brain, over and over, trying to remember why it had seemed a good idea to visit Falion even though he knew the objective reasons well enough.<\/p>\n He looked at Brynjolf, trotting along beside him, several times as they travelled and it finally came to him, the reason he was doing this.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t only for the sake of the castle, although his avaricious core still wanted it for himself.\u00a0 There was something else; the same thing Brynjolf had said.\u00a0 It\u2019ll be alright. I\u2019ll make certain of it.<\/em> He wanted Brynjolf to be safe.<\/p>\n He felt the same way about Babette; he didn\u2019t want her to be harmed.\u00a0 He thought about that for a few minutes; then he shook his head at himself. No, I don\u2019t feel the same way about Babette.\u00a0 There is something different about this, with respect to Brynjolf, that also doesn\u2019t have anything to do with him being an excellent bedfellow, and I don\u2019t understand what it is.\u00a0 I don\u2019t like it when I don\u2019t understand.<\/em><\/p>\n It was nearly dawn when they reached Riften, and Andante shooed Brynjolf down to the Cistern.\u00a0 \u201cGo take care of things. Check in with Delvin. Then get some sleep if you can manage. Go back to Honeyside, fast, stay down below and spend just as little time in the light as you can manage.\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf smirked. \u201cYes, lad.\u00a0 I think I had that figured out.\u00a0 That sun hurts.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante made a face.<\/p>\n \u201cSorry, Bryn. It\u2019s just the only thing I truly know any more \u2013 how to be a vampire.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s not true, but I understand.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry about it. I\u2019ll be fine. Let me go reassure Delvin and Vex, and maybe Maven if I need to check in with her. \u00a0Make sure the rabble is still all in line, see what sorts of trouble we can stir up.\u00a0 We do still have to make coin, after all, and they\u2019re all expecting their acting Guildmaster to sort out who does what.\u201d He grinned, and his fangs peeked out from behind his lips for a moment. He flicked his tongue over them. \u201cEven if they aren\u2019t expecting him to have these. I\u2019ll keep them hidden, don\u2019t worry. You need to go do what you need to do.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante sighed.\u00a0 \u201cRight.\u00a0 Well, off I go then.\u201d\u00a0 He started to leave, then stopped. He looked around to make sure they were alone, but nobody was in the graveyard at dawn. Brynjolf had turned toward the old stone sarcophagus, but Andante reached out and grabbed him by the arm.<\/p>\n \u201cWait.\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf looked at him, one eyebrow raised.\u00a0 Andante stepped forward and kissed him, thoroughly, trying to memorize the shape and flavor of his mouth, reminding himself of the shape of Brynjolf\u2019s fangs, drinking him in.<\/p>\n It might be the last chance I get.<\/em><\/p>\n When he was finished, Brynjolf smiled.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s this, then? You\u2019ll be back soon.\u201d<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t know what this is. <\/em>He tried to cover his confusion with a grin.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, yes.\u00a0 But one never knows. So that was one for the road, so to speak.\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cNow get going, lad, or you\u2019ll never get back.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante nodded, and slipped out the gate.\u00a0 The sun was just above the horizon, and bright, and he blinked at it, marveling again at how strange it was to be out in it. Then he set off down the road at a trot, grinding his teeth in frustration with how slow he was.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t going to be a long trip, given what he knew about his destination, but it was going to take much longer than he would have liked.<\/p>\n Fort Dawnguard was hidden in a valley, not too far from the border with Morrowind, with access that could be considered either a highly defensible asset or a potential trap depending on one\u2019s point of view.\u00a0 The entrance to it was through a narrow, dim crevasse in the mountains, not much more than a crack in the cliff marked only by a burning brazier outside it. He filed that away for future thought. \u00a0Andante made his way through and then clambered up the side of the mountain on the far side of the cave to take stock of the place.<\/p>\n It was beautiful here where the mountains met the forests of the Rift, and this valley combined elements of both.\u00a0 The sun filtered through fog made every leaf shine like gold, and not very much higher up conifers held the snow on their branches.\u00a0 Andante couldn\u2019t help it; he smiled.\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t be able to see this under normal circumstances, would I? I\u2019d have to call a fog too thick to see through. Still.\u00a0 Beauty is one thing, sanity is another, and I need to get this taken care of.<\/em><\/p>\n He hopped back down onto the trail and made his way up it, stopping to gawk in amazement when he rounded a corner and Fort Dawnguard came into view.\u00a0 It was massive and, unlike nearby Riften, made entirely of stone as far as he could tell.\u00a0 It was carefully arranged among the stone outcroppings, with several defensively placed towers jutting out before it. The entrance was not here, at its lower end, but from what he could see was far around the back side of the place.<\/p>\n Almost makes up for the awkward entrance to the canyon; you\u2019d be able to see the enemy coming a long way off.<\/em><\/p>\n Then he grinned to himself. Assuming that the enemy was visible. <\/em>That, of course was the difficulty in fighting even lower-tier vampires; they could invoke heavy fogs or blink into invisibility for a time as Brynjolf had after his first feeding.\u00a0 Andante could easily envision a nighttime attack by a group of vampires, if they could be coordinated properly, being very successful.<\/p>\n If I were of a mind to help these Dawnguard fools I would have to point that out to them as a vulnerability, wouldn\u2019t I, if they didn\u2019t already know it.\u00a0 It\u2019s too bad that\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cOh, hey there!\u201d a bright and, to Andante\u2019s ear, entirely too earnest voice called out.\u00a0 \u201cYou here to join the Dawnguard too?\u201d\u00a0 Andante jumped and reached for his axe as a youngish Nord man dressed in farm clothes popped out from behind one of the rock outcroppings.<\/p>\n I must be losing my touch.\u00a0 I was too busy thinking well out into the future to notice what was right there in the shadows. That was sloppy. <\/em>\u00a0The thought stopped him cold for a moment, and he frowned.\u00a0 Sloppy?\u00a0 Why\u2026 is that important?<\/em><\/p>\n He fought to regain his composure and covered his momentary confusion with a nod.\u00a0 \u201cYes, and hello. I\u2019m going to at least go see what they have to say. Perhaps they\u2019ll find an axe fighter suitable to their needs.\u00a0 And I know a good deal about vampires.\u201d<\/p>\n The man nodded and introduced himself as Agmaer.\u00a0 \u201cTruth is, I\u2019m\u2026 a little nervous. I\u2019ve never done anything like this before.\u00a0 I, uh, I hope you won\u2019t mind if I walk up with you.\u201d<\/p>\n Well I don\u2019t suppose I have much choice, do I.<\/em><\/p>\n All the rest of the way to the entrance \u2013 around the near tower, through a wood cutting lot, past a small garden plot and snaking alongside and then through a stockade fence, Agmaer chattered nervously.\u00a0 Please don\u2019t tell Isran he was afraid. He was sure Andante must have killed lots of vampires, he was sure Isran would sign him right up. Look how big the fort was, it looked almost deserted, where was everybody.\u00a0 And on, and on, and on to the point at which Andante was even more regretful than usual that he didn\u2019t have his fangs any longer.\u00a0 Finally, they approached the broad steps with a man in uniform standing at guard; Agmaer said, \u201cWell, I guess this is it! Wish me luck!\u201d and ran inside.<\/p>\n Andante stood staring at the guard for a moment, and then chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cIf he hadn\u2019t run ahead just then he might have needed that luck. My patience was wearing a bit thin.\u201d<\/p>\n The guard looked him over for a moment, nodded, and said, \u201cGo on inside.\u00a0 Isran will want to talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n Just past the entryway was the lower level of the tower: circular, clearly very old but in far better repair than the ancient Nordic barrows that dotted Skyrim\u2019s landscape.\u00a0 Andante scanned it quickly.\u00a0 They haven\u2019t been here long.\u00a0 Crates, barrels, but there are cobwebs everywhere and only a few weapons on the racks. Still, this gentleman looks imposing\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n There was a sour-looking Redguard man in uniform, with a deadly-looking warhammer slung across his back, standing so as to block access to any other part of the fort.<\/p>\n This has to be Isran. <\/em><\/p>\n And this man is clearly a Vigilant of Stendarr.<\/em>\u00a0 Andante tried to contain a snarl and felt at least one corner of his mouth curl upwards in spite of himself. The Vigilants were die-hard vampire, werewolf, and Daedra hunters and he\u2019d had more than a few encounters with them.\u00a0 They were tough opponents, well-equipped with magic and weapons specially designed to fight their chosen foes.\u00a0 He had to fight the nearly automatic urge to draw his weapon.<\/p>\n Survival skills, Andante. You\u2019re human. You\u2019re not vampire. You\u2019re fine. Relax.<\/em><\/p>\n The Redguard spoke, his voice of a depth to rival that of Dardeh, the Dragonborn, or so Andante thought.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy are you here, Tolan? The Vigilants and I were finished long ago.\u201d<\/p>\n So this man was a Vigilant as well? Interesting.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYou know why I\u2019m here,\u201d Tolan told him, his voice earnest and almost desperate. \u201cThe Vigilants are under attack everywhere. The vampires are much more dangerous than we believed.\u201d<\/p>\n And about to get even moreso if I have anything to say about it.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAnd now you want to come running to safety with the Dawnguard, is that it?\u00a0 I remember Keeper Carcette repeatedly telling me that Dawnguard is a crumbling ruin, not worth the expense and manpower to repair.\u201d He sneered, his voice heavy with sarcasm. \u201cAnd now that you\u2019ve stirred up the vampires against you, you come begging for my protection?\u201d<\/p>\n The Vigilant raised his voice.\u00a0 \u201cIsran, Carcette is dead!\u00a0 The Hall of the Vigilants \u2013 everyone \u2013 they\u2019re all dead! You were right, we were wrong. Isn\u2019t that enough for you?\u201d<\/p>\n Andante\u2019s gaze snapped to Tolan.\u00a0 Dead? The Hall? What vampires accomplished this, Harkon\u2019s clan? <\/em>\u00a0The last time he\u2019d skirted around the Hall of the Vigilants, their headquarters, it had been quite intact and a place to be carefully avoided.\u00a0 Well, well.\u00a0 All the more reason to go meet this Harkon, it would seem.\u00a0 He definitely has something I need besides just that castle. I can tell.<\/em><\/p>\n Isran\u2019s face didn\u2019t change, but his tone did, at least a bit.\u00a0 \u201cYes, well\u2026 I never wanted any of this to happen.\u00a0 I tried to warn you\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Oh he really isn\u2019t going to say \u2018I told you so,\u2019 is he? That\u2019s cold, even for me.<\/em><\/p>\n Isran frowned.\u00a0 \u201cI am sorry, you know.\u201d\u00a0 Then he turned to Andante.<\/p>\n \u201cSo. Who are you and what do you want?\u201d\u00a0 His voice had returned to its dry, sarcastic tone.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was my understanding that the Dawnguard was looking for new recruits. My name is Andante. I have a great deal of experience with vampires and here I am.\u201d<\/p>\n Isran narrowed his eyes and looked Andante over.\u00a0 He nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cWell I do need someone out in the field, taking the fight to the damn vampires while we\u2019re getting this old fort back into shape. Tolan was telling me about some cave the Vigilants were poking around in.\u00a0 Seemed to think it was\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBrother Adalvald was sure it held some long-lost vampire artifact of some kind,\u201d Tolan interrupted.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t listen to him any more than we listened to Isran.\u00a0 He\u2026 was at the hall when it was attacked.\u201d\u00a0 The man looked perfectly miserable.\u00a0 Andante felt sorry for him but wondered where Tolan had been during that attack. Clearly he hadn\u2019t been defending the Hall.<\/p>\n Isran nodded at Andante.\u00a0 \u201cAll right. Go see if you can find out what the vampires were looking for in this Dimhollow Crypt.\u00a0 With any luck, they\u2019ll still be there.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante was about to speak when Tolan interrupted him again.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going with you. It\u2019s the least I can do to avenge my fallen comrades.\u201d<\/p>\n Both Andante and Isran started arguing with him but Isran had the louder voice, and Andante backed down in deference to him. Isran and Tolan argued for a few minutes until Tolan shouted that he was going, he would meet Andante there, that was the end of that. And he strode out of the tower before either of them could utter another word.<\/p>\n \u201cWell then,\u201d Andante said, turning to Isran with a grin. \u201cIt would seem that Brother Tolan is going to Dimhollow Crypt.\u201d<\/p>\n Isran seemed to have no humor in him at all, his face never changing from its deadly serious frown. He turned to one of the nearby crates and bent to pull something from it, then returned to Andante.<\/p>\n \u201cHere.\u00a0 You should take a crossbow.\u00a0 Good for hunting out those fiends before they get too close.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante had all he could do to keep from shrinking back, but he gritted his teeth and accepted the crossbow and what he could see were silvered bolts.\u00a0 He fought himself, but gave his usual half-bow and left the tower.<\/p>\n Silvered bolts.\u00a0 He\u2019d had a run-in or two with the special silvered weapons favored by vampire hunters of all sorts, and they burned horribly.\u00a0 Once he was safely out the door and down the steps he stopped and looked at them, and then tentatively touched the tip of one of the bolts.\u00a0 His eyebrows rose in surprise.<\/p>\n Well, then. It feels like metal.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t burn.\u00a0 Alright.\u00a0 There\u2019s at least one thing about being human again that is relatively positive.<\/em><\/p>\n Tolan was already long gone by the time he made it through the long crevasse and started up the road toward Riften.\u00a0 He broke into a trot and swore at himself that he could go no faster.\u00a0 He wanted to get home to Honeyside.<\/p>\n —<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is all this about, now?\u201d<\/p>\n Andante had collected a variety of armor, trying to find just the right look for himself. Because, he thought standing in front of the wardrobe, I am a vain son of a bitch and I want to look just so. And more to the point right at the moment, I want my prot\u00e9g\u00e9 to look wonderful as well.\u00a0 Even if I\u2019m human right now and he\u2019s not.<\/p>\n Tucked into the very back of the closet was a set he\u2019d picked off a dead vampire in the cavern known as Haemar\u2019s Shame during the days before he contracted the disease himself, simply because he liked the looks of it.\u00a0 After he\u2019d become a vampire Andante had tempered this armor, enchanted it to help ward him from sun and fire, and then had decided to go with the blue look instead. The blue matched his eyes. Or at least his eyes as they\u2019d been before.\u00a0 He doubted very much that he would look good in yellow.<\/p>\n This particular set was of the most amazingly supple leather, dyed a deep red, and he had a feeling it was going to suit Brynjolf perfectly.<\/p>\n \u201cHere,\u201d he said, tossing the armor to Brynjolf.\u00a0 \u201cTry this on for me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI already have armor, lad.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cYou have black armor that screams Guildmaster to anyone who has ever had contact with the Thieves Guild,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cOr perhaps we should say, you have black leathers with a bright red target painted on the back of them. You\u2019re not going to be able to just stay out of sight in the Cistern all the time, Brynjolf, and you can\u2019t continue to take the chance of being recognized the instant you step out the door. \u00a0Can you imagine how many people would be excited to get rid of you if they saw those eyes under that armor? Even that one trip was chancy. Admit it.\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf frowned.\u00a0 \u201cYes, you\u2019re right and I should know better than to risk it.\u00a0 This is black, but it\u2019s\u2026 distinctive.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRight. Try this on, just for me, would you my dear?\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf rolled his eyes. \u201cAnd this isn\u2019t going to scream \u2018kill the vampire\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt might, but not necessarily. I think you\u2019ll find it\u2019s better armor as well. And you do need to do some roaming about, Brynjolf.\u00a0 You can\u2019t just feed on the fine people of Riften all the time; it wouldn\u2019t be long before they came for you with fire.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll right,\u201d Brynjolf said, and peeled off his black leathers.<\/p>\n \u201cDamn,\u201d Andante said, admiring.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it, lad?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing, nothing at all.\u00a0 Not a thing.\u00a0 Just\u2026\u201d he waved his hand in Brynjolf\u2019s direction. \u201cKeep on with what you\u2019re doing.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m surprised at myself. Usually I lose interest so quickly.<\/em> But fairly much anything Brynjolf did was attractive to him, including peeling off his armor and standing around in his smallclothes.\u00a0 That was very attractive.<\/p>\n Brynjolf in the red vampire armor was attractive, too. It was a very slim build, unlike the bulky pauldrons and overabundance of pouches favored by the Guild.\u00a0 Andante had worn a version of those, for a time, but dyed black and red like the gaudy uniform of the Brotherhood.\u00a0 It had been a compromise, and it had worked, but it had not been the sleek, effortless fit of the vampire robes.\u00a0 Brynjolf wore them like he\u2019d been made for them; his broad shoulders stood out even without pauldrons and the red, a deeper shade than his coppery-red hair, suited him perfectly. Andante smiled.<\/p>\n \u201cYou look positively regal in that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRegal, is it?\u00a0 Well that\u2019s something for a ratty old thief, isn\u2019t it.\u201d\u00a0 He shifted his shoulders in it, then reached for his weapons and settled them in place.\u00a0 \u201cYou know, you\u2019re right.\u00a0 This is very easy to move in,\u201d he pronounced, nodding.<\/p>\n \u201cI told you.\u00a0 I can \u2013 could — cover the distance between here and Dawnstar in just a few hours, but I don\u2019t think I could weighed down with heavy armor.\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf nodded, then put his hands on his hips and frowned.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m hungry again.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante rolled his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cMother Mara, you are insatiable!\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cI thought that was one of the things you enjoyed about me, lad.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you\u2019re insufferable, as well,\u201d Andante laughed.<\/p>\n It was as though a cloud dropped over Brynjolf\u2019s head. His face fell, and he looked away.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve\u2026 heard that before,\u201d he murmured.\u00a0 He wandered out of the bedroom and stood leaning against the door of the smithy, staring blankly toward the forge.<\/p>\n Well, now, Andante thought.\u00a0 I wonder if that has anything to do with the loose ends he\u2019s mentioned.\u00a0 He watched Brynjolf\u2019s face for a few moments, wondering whether this was a good time to bring up the question that had been rattling around in his head. Before he\u2019d really had a chance to come to a decision he found himself speaking it aloud.<\/p>\n \u201cBrynjolf, I \u2026 have a question for you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAlright. What\u2019s on your mind?\u201d His voice was quiet, somewhat distant.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you married?\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf\u2019s head shot up and he stared at Andante, stunned.\u00a0 Andante might as well have slapped him across the face. He grimaced. \u201cNo,\u201d he growled.\u00a0 Then he looked down at his hand, probably realizing how ridiculous it was to deny such a thing while wearing the Bond of Matrimony.\u00a0 \u201cYes,\u201d he murmured, fiddling with his ring.<\/p>\n \u201cSo which is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know, lad.\u00a0 Yes, I was married. Am I now?\u00a0 I don\u2019t know. It doesn\u2019t feel that way. It\u2019s been a long time.\u00a0 And yet\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs it\u2026\u201d Andante said, the glimmer of a thought that had been tickling his brain suddenly bursting full into light, and with it a mass of confusion. \u201cOh! That letter? The one from the Listener? \u00a0The one that said \u2018She\u2019s alive?\u2019 That referred to your\u2026 wife? I thought\u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf grimaced.\u00a0 \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 He sighed.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve looked so hard, and so long. And now this word.\u201d\u00a0 He met Andante\u2019s eyes. \u201cYou know. You\u2019re the one who took word to the Listener. All of us, we\u2019ve been looking for her since she left. Most days I want to find her and kill her.\u00a0 She left me, and she left the Guild.\u00a0 She was the Guildmaster, and you don\u2019t do things like that if you\u2019re the Guildmaster. At least you\u2019re not supposed to.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante\u2019s brain shrieked like a millstone defying a push against its gears, as the many pieces of information he\u2019d had finally fell into a semblance of order. He was stunned. The Redguard girl?\u00a0 He was married to her? <\/em>Is married to her? By the Eight things just got complicated.<\/em> \u00a0Suddenly so many of the things Brynjolf had said that night in the bath made sense.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2026 that was your wife? The one who I used to see talking with you in the Cistern sometimes? You\u2019re married <\/em>to the Guildmaster?\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf rubbed his eyes. \u201cYes. That\u2019s\u2026 one of the reasons I want to find out where she is.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante sighed.\u00a0 \u201cSo it is a she.\u00a0 Well I suppose you did tell me that was your usual fare.\u00a0 A fellow can\u2019t help but wonder, though.\u201d\u00a0 Why does it even matter? It\u2019s not as though he\u2019s any less here with me because he has a ring on his hand.<\/em><\/p>\n Brynjolf managed the slightest of grins, even through his obvious sadness.\u00a0 \u201cJealous?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps.\u201d Andante chuckled, trying to make light of it though he was completely awash in feelings he didn\u2019t truly understand. \u201cI don\u2019t generally do well with competition.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell she\u2019s not much competition. A little thing, no particularly special abilities other than being a damn fine thief, and tough in a fight.\u00a0 She also turned out to be an unscrupulous bitch.\u00a0 She married me, slept with Roggi, and then left in the middle of the night after poisoning me.\u00a0 And,\u201d he said with a grim laugh, \u201cwe are still friends in spite of it, Roggi and I. Good friends. The whole thing is a fine mess.\u201d<\/p>\n He heaved a huge sigh and stood, head down, just fiddling with his ring and staring at it.<\/p>\n Andante\u2019s mouth dropped open for a moment.\u00a0 As hard as his own situation was, he still was struck by the bleakness of Brynjolf\u2019s. This must have been their bedroom.\u00a0 No wonder Brynjolf had given him the place.\u00a0 It must have felt like an assault every time he stepped into it.<\/p>\n \u201cWith Roggi? But he\u2019s married to Dardeh\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe wasn\u2019t, at the time. He is now, and that makes him my brother-in-law because my\u2026 because Dagnell. The Guildmaster. She\u2019s Dardeh\u2019s sister.\u201d<\/p>\n Andante rubbed his forehead, trying to make sense of it. All right. So there\u2019s much more to Roggi than I knew. Very well.<\/em> \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter. That\u2019s harsh, Bryn,\u201d he murmured.<\/p>\n He looked at Brynjolf\u2019s face and saw sorrow. Old sorrow, sorrow he\u2019d gotten used to bearing over a long time, but sorrow nonetheless.\u00a0 Then it dawned on him; she was why he\u2019d wanted to be turned so badly.\u00a0 He needed something else, once she was gone. That\u2019s why. <\/em><\/p>\n Not much competition, indeed, Andante thought.\u00a0 Small, perhaps.\u00a0 Greedy and unscrupulous, perhaps. But once he had loved her and it seemed clear that he did, still. \u00a0No wonder Bryn was so angry after getting that letter.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n So do I lose him, if we find her? Is it all over, then?<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cSo\u2026 what about the other days, Bryn?\u201d he asked slowly. \u201cThe days when you don\u2019t want to find her and kill her?\u201d<\/p>\n Brynjolf turned away from him and his shoulders sagged. There was a very long pause. His voice was very quiet when he finally spoke.<\/p>\n \u201cI want to bring her home and hold her.\u201d<\/p>\n Then he shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo, that\u2019s not right. I\u2019m lying.\u201d<\/p>\n He looked back over his shoulder at Andante, his face a picture of sorrow, and spoke quietly, his voice thick with emotion.<\/p>\n \u201cI want to do that every day.\u201d He turned away again, his voice just above a whisper. \u201cI don\u2019t want to kill her. I love my wife. I\u2019m sorry to say that to you because I know it\u2019s not what you want to hear.\u201d\u00a0 Then he looked away, his head hanging.<\/p>\n Andante was first stunned, then a bit annoyed.\u00a0 So I\u2019m merely a play thing?<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re right,\u201d he murmured. \u201cIt isn\u2019t what I want to hear.\u201d<\/p>\n Then he felt something different, a twinge of \u2026 what? What is this twisting feeling going on, he thought.\u00a0 Am I actually jealous of someone who hasn\u2019t been around for all this time, someone who is not sharing this man\u2019s body, giving him pleasure every way I know how?<\/p>\n He chewed on his lip.<\/p>\n Yes.\u00a0 Yes I am.\u00a0 Damn it to Oblivion. He still loves her and I\u2019m jealous of that.<\/em><\/p>\n I am jealous of someone who isn\u2019t even here, someone I\u2019ve never even met.<\/em><\/p>\n I\u2019m jealous.<\/em><\/p>\n Gods.\u00a0 But I will still do whatever I need to do to make him happy.\u00a0 Even if it means degrading myself by trying to find the person who will replace me.\u00a0 I\u2019ll do that, won\u2019t I. I will do it because\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n Andante rose and stepped behind Brynjolf, wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on Brynjolf\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 There was exactly one person in the world that he cared about, and that person was in such pain that he\u2019d allowed himself to be turned in an effort to free himself from the memory of her leaving him. He didn\u2019t do it for me, Andante said silently, sadly.\u00a0 He did it because of her.<\/p>\n I want to kill her.\u00a0 But I can\u2019t kill her because Brynjolf loves her.<\/em><\/p>\n Damn it to Oblivion.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll help you find her, my love,\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat was that, lad?\u201d<\/p>\n Andante froze, and blinked. \u201cNot a thing,\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n Egads, what did <\/em>I just say? Andante thought in a moment of sheer horror.\u00a0 Did I just tell the man that I love him?<\/p>\n Things fell into place. \u00a0Staying with Brynjolf while he turned, making sure he knew how to feed properly, ensuring that he knew what to do with his new status as a vampire. Watching over him while he made his first kills, showing him how to turn someone himself.\u00a0 Wanting him to look beautiful.<\/p>\n He looked up at Brynjolf\u2019s dejected posture.<\/p>\n Kissing him goodbye as though I might never see him again. <\/em><\/p>\n Well, maybe I do.<\/em><\/p>\n I know that I do.<\/em><\/p>\n Damn.\u00a0 I love this man.\u00a0 This is what this is. I love him, and I have always loved him, and he is the only person I can ever remember loving.<\/em><\/p>\n And the litany started playing in his head again.\u00a0 I will have my revenge.<\/em><\/p>\n All the way back to Riften, Andante thought about it.\u00a0 That pat on the back from Brynjolf. \u201cIt\u2019ll be alright, lad.\u00a0 I\u2019ll make certain of it.\u201d He didn\u2019t understand a great many things about his life right at that moment.\u00a0 It was one thing to purposefully cast a spell to look human.\u00a0 It was another … <\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/baakay.com\/FanFic\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/3-1-13-1.png\")
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