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<\/p>\nHe had to stop and catch his breath for a moment when he stepped into their room. Roggi was on the bed, his hair loose, his armor and shirt off, trying to wrap a long cloth around his own chest and failing.\u00a0 He looked up at Dardeh and sighed.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is useless,\u201d he said. \u201cCracked a rib when I hit the table. I just hit it exactly the wrong way. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s completely broken but it might be, and it needs to be bound up tight. It just hurts too much to reach around. I\u2019m not even sure how I managed to get out of my shirt, truthfully. Give a brother a hand?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure,\u201d Dardeh said, faintly, reaching to take the cloth from him. His head spun. Gods. He\u2019s glorious. Can I do this? I can do this. I\u2019m sure I can.<\/em><\/p>\n He ran his hands down Roggi\u2019s back, wincing at the sight of the still-bright scar from the Cultist\u2019s sword. He looked for the vivid bruise that was already spreading, and grimaced. The rib was broken, surely, and was going to have to be put right before it could heal.\u00a0 He felt for the rib and eased it into place, flinching when Roggi hissed with the pain.\u00a0 It had to be done and both of them knew it, but Dardeh would rather have had his fingernails pulled out one by one than to cause Roggi to hurt more.<\/p>\n \u201cSo,\u201d he said as he reached around Roggi\u2019s body to pull the cloth tight and wind it around him, to hold the rib still as best they could.\u00a0 \u201cWhat in the name of almighty Talos was all that about?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing,\u201d Roggi muttered.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t give me that.\u00a0 That had as many flavors going on as a leftover stew and I want to know what they were.\u00a0 You have to tell me, Roggi. I can\u2019t be going into this negotiation blind, and I know nothing at all about what makes Ulfric tick. You obviously do. What\u2019s this about marrying a Nord girl? Have you been holding out on me?\u201d<\/p>\n Are you still married? Am I going to have to watch you walk away when you go back home to her? Is that another reason that Dagnell was such a problem for you? <\/em><\/p>\n He sighed.\u00a0 Look at me.\u00a0 First I was jealous of Dag, then suspicious of Lydia for absolutely no reason. And now it\u2019s a woman I\u2019ve never even heard of.\u00a0 Face it Dar. He\u2019s a man.\u00a0 An average, grown man and he likes women.\u00a0 There\u2019s no point at all in being envious of them.\u00a0 It\u2019s just the way things are. You know better.<\/em><\/p>\n He finished the last turn of cloth and tucked in the end, grimacing as Roggi flinched from the pain of having extra pressure applied.\u00a0 Dardeh had healing magic, but not the kind that could be cast on others; this would have to do.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll be right back,\u201d he told Roggi, and dashed out to the bar.\u00a0 \u201cMead, Elda,\u201d he snapped at the innkeeper. \u201cLots of it.\u201d\u00a0 He tossed a substantial pile of coin on the bar and took as many bottles as he could carry.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t break nothing,\u201d Elda warned.<\/p>\n \u201cI won\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 You can bet I won\u2019t; break something and she\u2019ll be all over my ass.<\/em> He shuddered.\u00a0 Elda is just about the last thing on Nirn I want on my ass. <\/em><\/p>\n He returned to their room and handed Roggi a bottle.<\/p>\n \u201cDrink up, my friend.\u00a0 It\u2019ll help with the pain.\u201d<\/p>\n Roggi eased himself back on the bed.\u00a0 \u201cYeah.\u00a0 Good idea.\u201d He started in on his drink. \u201cWell, not such a good idea, really, but under the circumstances\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMake an exception,\u201d Dardeh said. \u201cIt\u2019s impressive that you\u2019ve been abstaining but a broken rib deserves a little painkiller.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh dragged a chair over beside the bed and sat, opening a bottle for himself.\u00a0 \u201cSo spill, Roggi.\u00a0 I need to know what\u2019s going on.\u201d<\/p>\n After a few moments Roggi looked up at Dardeh, a thoughtful expression on his face.\u00a0 \u201cYou know, I never thought I\u2019d be telling this story to you. Never mentioned it to a soul for years and now I\u2019ve told half a dozen people. The Nord girl \u2026 was my wife. Briinda.\u201d<\/p>\n Was.\u00a0 So he was married, but he isn\u2019t any longer.\u00a0 Alright, I can deal with that.<\/em><\/p>\n Dardeh listened, for the next half-hour or more, as Roggi slowly spun his tale.\u00a0 He was in the Rebellion.\u00a0 It was obvious that he\u2019d admired Ulfric, been a bit star-struck perhaps.\u00a0 The man was a great warrior. He could speak in a way that stirred men\u2019s hearts and roused them to action and listening to Roggi it was clear that he had responded to that. He was Ulfric\u2019s soldier, and then his spy.\u00a0 He met a girl, fell in love, and they left Ulfric\u2019s forces and got married in Cyrodiil.\u00a0 All believable stuff, Dardeh thought, for a man in the war, even though the spying part was a bit unusual.<\/p>\n Then Roggi told him about losing her, and losing his family.\u00a0 The bandit raid. The aftermath, and how he had hunted them all down and made them pay.\u00a0 Slowly, painfully. His voice was soft, dispassionate, removed, almost as though he was telling this story about someone else entirely. Dardeh sat in the bedside chair, his head in his hands, having all he could do to take it all in, trying to fathom the depths of despair that would lead this good, kind man to make anyone suffer, even bandits. He couldn\u2019t picture it. Not Roggi. By Ysmir, Roggi. That should never have happened.<\/em> He got Roggi another drink and insisted he down it.<\/p>\n \u201cBut there\u2019s a part I don\u2019t understand, Roggi.\u00a0 What was Ulfric talking about when he said something about your, what was it? Arrangement?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d Roggi said quietly, not meeting his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cWe had an arrangement.\u201d He stopped to drink, several long swallows that emptied the bottle.\u00a0 Dardeh handed him another. \u00a0\u201cUlfric wanted Briinda for himself, back when we were still in his service.\u00a0 He\u2026 demanded.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh stared at him, open-mouthed.\u00a0 I don\u2019t really understand. Or maybe I do. I don\u2019t want to.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWhat? What do you mean by that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDemanded. \u00a0Her. I am your king, come to my chambers. That kind of demand. Oh, I don\u2019t think he wanted her permanently, or anything; he just had a whim, and he\u2019s used to having his whims satisfied. She was beautiful, after all. He expected her to say yes, because he was the high and mighty Jarl of Windhelm and I was just some soldier.\u201d He frowned, shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cShe told him no.\u00a0 He backed down and Briinda thought she\u2019d won.\u00a0 It would have made sense, actually. She was very good at getting what she wanted. That\u2019s how we ended up married, later on.\u201d He smiled, as much to himself as to Dardeh.<\/p>\n Roggi was starting to speak more slowly, making an obvious effort to enunciate each word.\u00a0 OK, he\u2019s beginning to feel it, Dardeh thought.\u00a0 Good.\u00a0 It\u2019ll dull the pain.<\/p>\n Roggi\u2019s smile faded, and he made as if to continue a couple of times but stopped. Several long silent moments passed. Finally he nodded, almost to himself, took a drink, and looked Dardeh in the eye.<\/p>\n \u201cCan I tell you this?\u00a0 Really?\u201d His expression was almost desperate, his eyes pleading. \u201cIt\u2019s not pretty.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh frowned.\u00a0 \u201cOf course. You can tell me anything.\u00a0 I thought you knew that.\u201d<\/p>\n Roggi gazed at him, for a long moment, and then at last nodded.\u00a0 \u201cOk.\u00a0 I trust you.\u201d<\/p>\n What in the world.\u00a0 What is going on?<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d he said, taking another drink, \u201cI\u2019ve never told this to anyone before and you\u2019ll know why in a minute.\u201d He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. \u201cUlfric didn\u2019t back down because of Briinda. Her saying no, my <\/em>saying no, that wasn\u2019t good enough for Ulfric. He came to me\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Roggi trailed off.<\/p>\n Dardeh frowned.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I like where this is going. It feels wrong. Roggi\u2019s having way more trouble telling me this story than he ought to be having. And it\u2019s not because he has a broken rib and I\u2019m pumping him full of mead.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cHe came to me and said \u2019I\u2019m going to have her one way or another.\u2019 Tha\u2019s what he told me.\u00a0 \u2018Unless you find someone to take her place.\u2019\u201d Roggi was staring at his bottle; then he tipped it up and drained it.<\/p>\n \u201cWait\u2026 really? He was just going to force her? And he blackmailed you with it?\u201d<\/p>\n Roggi made a face, a sour, defeated grimace.\u00a0 \u201cYes really. I\u2019m sure he would\u2019ve done it, too. Lock the door and jus\u2019 do whatever he wanted. Because that\u2019s what he does. He doesn\u2019t ask. He demands. He assumes. He didn\u2019 really care about her one way or the other. He jus\u2019 couldn\u2019t stand it that I told him no. He jus\u2019 wanted to have his way.\u201d<\/p>\n He stared down, smoothing the covers with his hands for a long time, so long that Dardeh began to wonder whether he would speak again. I wonder if I should just get him to lie down and he\u2019ll fall asleep. <\/em><\/p>\n Then Roggi shifted his shoulders about, gingerly, wincing when the broken rib rubbed the wrong way. When he spoke his voice was quiet, but intense. \u201cI was a lot younger then. I wasn\u2019t gonna let him lay a hand on her, and I wasn\u2019t willin\u2019 to sacrifice anyone else so \u2026 I found someone to take her place.\u201d<\/p>\n He looked up at Dardeh, and Dardeh almost jumped. My gods.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never seen such a look in anyone\u2019s eyes before.\u00a0 <\/em>It was a look of the deepest anger, darkness of a hue that would seem almost impossible for blue eyes to achieve.\u00a0 He hates himself.<\/em><\/p>\n Roggi frowned, sighed. \u201cMe. He took me instead. \u2018Parently I was good lookin\u2019 enough for him to find it a fair trade.\u201d He looked back down at the bedclothes, and then a torrent of words came spilling out. \u201cIt was a challenge to keep it from her, but I can pull off a good act if I need to. I\u2019ve never been good at tellin\u2019 people the whole truth, I guess. She jus\u2019 thought I was risin\u2019 up higher in the ranks, and tha\u2019s why I needed to spend so much time with Ulfric. I was, after all. That part of it was true \u2018nough. People didn\u2019 know what exactly I did, just that we were workin\u2019 together. \u00a0We were in a war, after all. \u00a0An\u2019 we did work, Ulfric, Galmar, me, an\u2019 the others who had special jobs. Good work. But he hated it that I said no. About anythin\u2019. So\u2026 I did what I needed to an\u2019 kept her safe. I loved her so much, Dar. I din\u2019 have any choice.\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh\u2019s mouth fell open.<\/p>\n What? Just\u2026 what?\u00a0 Roggi? With\u2026 Ulfric?\u00a0 Against his will?<\/em><\/p>\n His head swam with the implications; his ears pounded with the sound of his own rising pulse.\u00a0 I can\u2019t ever let him know how I feel about him.\u00a0 I just can\u2019t. Not after what he has gone through.\u00a0 He would run away so far I\u2019d never see him again.\u00a0 I can\u2019t do that to him. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n He looked down at Roggi and tried hard not to picture him with Ulfric, and it didn\u2019t work.\u00a0 His throat constricted, and his eyes welled up with angry tears that he forced back.<\/p>\n I can\u2019t stand it.\u00a0 Now I\u2019m jealous of Ulfric godsforsaken Stormcloak.\u00a0 Talos hold me back before I walk back to the palace. There will be no Hermaeus Mora to save Ulfric from me if I do right now. I wear godsdamned Miraak\u2019s mask on my belt now and I\u2019d be happy to make a mask of Ulfric\u2019s head and wear it on the other side.<\/em><\/p>\n Roggi shook his head and sighed. His eyes were drooping, and there was another long pause before he spoke again.\u00a0 \u201cHe didn\u2019 really want me, he was jus\u2019 proving he was the one with the power. Like a wolf. But do you know wha\u2019s the wors\u2019 of it?\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh looked a bit closer at Roggi. Yep, he\u2019s fading. He\u2019s going to be out cold soon.\u00a0 Good.\u00a0 He needs to rest. \u201cThere\u2019s something more?\u201d<\/p>\n Roggi looked up at him, hesitating, his eyes undecipherable. Three, four beats.\u00a0 Then he spoke. \u201cI \u2026\u201d He stopped again, and sighed.\u00a0 \u201cAfter the firs\u2019 time. I jus\u2019 went back on my own. Whenever he asked.\u00a0 He didn\u2019 have to force me.\u201d\u00a0 His eyes started to close, then he shook himself alert again. \u201cAn\u2019 he knows it. It \u2026 took me a long damn time to gather enough strength to walk away an\u2019 leave with Briinda. Tha\u2019s what he meant by \u2018married the nice safe Nord girl after all.\u2019\u201d He waggled the empty bottle in his hand. \u201cHan\u2019 me another, would you?\u201d<\/p>\n Dardeh sat in stunned silence for a moment.\u00a0 This\u2026 He\u2019s right, it is even worse, but not for the reasons he thinks it is. I\u2019ll bet he thinks there\u2019s something wrong with him<\/em>. \u00a0Talos preserve me. <\/em><\/p>\n He pushed himself up off the chair, handed another mead bottle to Roggi, then started pacing the short path of the room.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t believe him. How in the name of all that is holy could he have done that to you? \u00a0To anyone who believed in him? Who was trying to help him win his gods-damned throne?\u201d\u00a0 And then take advantage of the fact that you responded to him? Gods.<\/em><\/p>\n He watched as Roggi drained the bottle in not much more than a minute or two, swaying unsteadily on the bed, and then mentally kicked himself for not having paid better attention. Perfect, he thought. Just perfect. I\u2019m an idiot to have given him so much. I wasn\u2019t even thinking. If I were the kind of man to try to take advantage of a person when they were drunk this would be my golden opportunity because he is well and truly drunk. He\u2019d have never told me or anyone else this much otherwise, I\u2019m sure of it. But I\u2019m not, and I can\u2019t. Not now and not ever. Not after Ulfric. So much of Ulfric\u2019s behavior in the throne room makes sense now.<\/p>\n Dardeh stood, taking in the look of pain \u2013 emotional as well as physical — that Roggi\u2019s closed eyes couldn\u2019t conceal. He\u2019s remembering. He hates what he remembers. And he longs for it even so. Damn.\u00a0 <\/em>He started pacing the room again.<\/p>\n \u201cI knew there was something off about him from the first time I saw him, sitting in the back of a prison cart with a gag in his mouth.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAn\u2019 now you know there\u2019s somethin\u2019 off about me, too.\u201d Roggi\u2019s voice was quiet, self-deprecating, the voice of a man who had a deep-seated self-loathing.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d He turned and looked down at Roggi.\u00a0 \u201cWhat are you talking about? Wait, do you imagine I\u2019d look down on you because\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Because Ulfric was good in bed?<\/em> It was an unsettling thought, to be certain, but only because he\u2019d never even thought to consider Ulfric in that way, and didn\u2019t care to consider the thought, ever again. Well he couldn\u2019t have picked a safer person to tell this to than me, could he.<\/em><\/p>\n He paced back and forth, his anger growing by the moment.<\/p>\n \u201cRoggi, listen to me. I don\u2019t know whether you\u2019ll remember it in the morning but listen anyway.\u00a0 I don\u2019t ever want to hear you talking down about yourself again. He took advantage of you. For\u2026 for what? To have power?\u201d I know that\u2019s what it was. Miraak was the same, taunting me because he assumed he was the stronger one, wanted to prove it. Ulfric couldn\u2019t stand that Briinda would pick Roggi over him. <\/em>\u201cAnd he used you and what you felt for Briinda. It\u2019s disgusting. I have a Shout for him. You know the one. He\u2019s heard it before, from the dragon at Helgen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDar.\u201d<\/p>\n He looked down at Roggi. Roggi was looking at him, but it was clear that he was drifting away.\u00a0 Good.\u00a0 He needed to rest and let the rib start healing.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it?\u201d He sat down on the chair next to the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t hurt \u2018im. Please<\/em>. Please.\u201d\u00a0 Roggi closed his eyes. \u201cI couldn\u2019 bear it.\u201d<\/p>\n Damn, Dardeh thought.\u00a0 I\u2019ve heard of this before.\u00a0 Someone\u2019s being held against their will and they come to feel sympathy toward the one who\u2019s holding them.\u00a0 Don\u2019t tell me that Roggi fell in love with him.\u00a0 It\u2019ll kill me.<\/p>\n \u201cAlright, but I don\u2019t really understand.\u201d<\/p>\n He helped Roggi\u00a0 lie down and get into a more comfortable position.\u00a0 Roggi grimaced, wincing at the pain, in spite of his numbed state.<\/p>\n This would never have happened if I hadn\u2019t made you come with me.\u00a0 None of it would.\u00a0 It\u2019s my fault.<\/em><\/p>\n Then he opened his eyes and looked at Dardeh, and spoke, slowly and precisely, just as clearly as if he hadn\u2019t been drinking hard and fast for the past hour. His voice was low, rough, filled with something menacing that made the hair rise on the back of Dardeh\u2019s neck.<\/p>\n \u201cI want to be the one to slit his throat.\u00a0 I want to make him hurt, before he dies.\u00a0 I know how to do that. I used to do that kind of thing, for him, in the Stormcloaks, to get information out of people. That was what my special job really was, and I\u2019m good at it, Dar. \u00a0Really good. It\u2019s what I did to those bandits who killed my family. It\u2019s going to be long, and it\u2019s going to be painful. I know exactly which of my tools I\u2019m going to use. I have a set of them, you know? Special tools. \u00a0And it\u2019s going to be even worse for him because I know exactly how the Thalmor hurt him, when they took him prisoner. I know where his scars are. He told me things. So don\u2019t hurt him.\u201d<\/p>\n He smiled up at Dardeh, a beautiful smile, his eyes blue but dark, so dark.<\/p>\n \u201cLeave him for me.\u201d<\/p>\n He had to stop and catch his breath for a moment when he stepped into their room. Roggi was on the bed, his hair loose, his armor and shirt off, trying to wrap a long cloth around his own chest and failing.\u00a0 He looked up at Dardeh and sighed. \u201cThis is useless,\u201d he said. \u201cCracked … <\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/baakay.com\/FanFic\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/2-2-6-2.png\")
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<\/p>\nPart II: Duality<\/a><\/div>\nPrevious<\/a> \/ Next<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"