He had to stop and catch his breath for a moment when he stepped into their room. Roggi was on the bed, his hair loose, his armor and shirt off, trying to wrap a long cloth around his own chest and failing. He looked up at Dardeh and sighed.
“This is useless,” he said. “Cracked a rib when I hit the table. I just hit it exactly the wrong way. I don’t think it’s completely broken but it might be, and it needs to be bound up tight. It just hurts too much to reach around. I’m not even sure how I managed to get out of my shirt, truthfully. Give a brother a hand?”
“Sure,” Dardeh said, faintly, reaching to take the cloth from him. His head spun. Gods. He’s glorious. Can I do this? I can do this. I’m sure I can.
He ran his hands down Roggi’s back, wincing at the sight of the still-bright scar from the Cultist’s sword. He looked for the vivid bruise that was already spreading, and grimaced. The rib was broken, surely, and was going to have to be put right before it could heal. He felt for the rib and eased it into place, flinching when Roggi hissed with the pain. It had to be done and both of them knew it, but Dardeh would rather have had his fingernails pulled out one by one than to cause Roggi to hurt more.
“So,” he said as he reached around Roggi’s body to pull the cloth tight and wind it around him, to hold the rib still as best they could. “What in the name of almighty Talos was all that about?”
“Nothing,” Roggi muttered.
“Don’t give me that. That had as many flavors going on as a leftover stew and I want to know what they were. You have to tell me, Roggi. I can’t be going into this negotiation blind, and I know nothing at all about what makes Ulfric tick. You obviously do. What’s this about marrying a Nord girl? Have you been holding out on me?”
Are you still married? Am I going to have to watch you walk away when you go back home to her? Is that another reason that Dagnell was such a problem for you?
He sighed. Look at me. First I was jealous of Dag, then suspicious of Lydia for absolutely no reason. And now it’s a woman I’ve never even heard of. Face it Dar. He’s a man. An average, grown man and he likes women. There’s no point at all in being envious of them. It’s just the way things are. You know better.
He finished the last turn of cloth and tucked in the end, grimacing as Roggi flinched from the pain of having extra pressure applied. Dardeh had healing magic, but not the kind that could be cast on others; this would have to do.
“I’ll be right back,” he told Roggi, and dashed out to the bar. “Mead, Elda,” he snapped at the innkeeper. “Lots of it.” He tossed a substantial pile of coin on the bar and took as many bottles as he could carry.
“Don’t break nothing,” Elda warned.
“I won’t.” You can bet I won’t; break something and she’ll be all over my ass. He shuddered. Elda is just about the last thing on Nirn I want on my ass.
He returned to their room and handed Roggi a bottle.
“Drink up, my friend. It’ll help with the pain.”
Roggi eased himself back on the bed. “Yeah. Good idea.” He started in on his drink. “Well, not such a good idea, really, but under the circumstances…”
“Make an exception,” Dardeh said. “It’s impressive that you’ve been abstaining but a broken rib deserves a little painkiller.”
Dardeh dragged a chair over beside the bed and sat, opening a bottle for himself. “So spill, Roggi. I need to know what’s going on.”
After a few moments Roggi looked up at Dardeh, a thoughtful expression on his face. “You know, I never thought I’d be telling this story to you. Never mentioned it to a soul for years and now I’ve told half a dozen people. The Nord girl … was my wife. Briinda.”
Was. So he was married, but he isn’t any longer. Alright, I can deal with that.
Dardeh listened, for the next half-hour or more, as Roggi slowly spun his tale. He was in the Rebellion. It was obvious that he’d admired Ulfric, been a bit star-struck perhaps. The man was a great warrior. He could speak in a way that stirred men’s hearts and roused them to action and listening to Roggi it was clear that he had responded to that. He was Ulfric’s soldier, and then his spy. He met a girl, fell in love, and they left Ulfric’s forces and got married in Cyrodiil. All believable stuff, Dardeh thought, for a man in the war, even though the spying part was a bit unusual.
Then Roggi told him about losing her, and losing his family. The bandit raid. The aftermath, and how he had hunted them all down and made them pay. Slowly, painfully. His voice was soft, dispassionate, removed, almost as though he was telling this story about someone else entirely. Dardeh sat in the bedside chair, his head in his hands, having all he could do to take it all in, trying to fathom the depths of despair that would lead this good, kind man to make anyone suffer, even bandits. He couldn’t picture it. Not Roggi. By Ysmir, Roggi. That should never have happened. He got Roggi another drink and insisted he down it.
“But there’s a part I don’t understand, Roggi. What was Ulfric talking about when he said something about your, what was it? Arrangement?”
“Yes,” Roggi said quietly, not meeting his eyes. “We had an arrangement.” He stopped to drink, several long swallows that emptied the bottle. Dardeh handed him another. “Ulfric wanted Briinda for himself, back when we were still in his service. He… demanded.”
Dardeh stared at him, open-mouthed. I don’t really understand. Or maybe I do. I don’t want to.
“What? What do you mean by that?”
“Demanded. Her. I am your king, come to my chambers. That kind of demand. Oh, I don’t think he wanted her permanently, or anything; he just had a whim, and he’s used to having his whims satisfied. She was beautiful, after all. He expected her to say yes, because he was the high and mighty Jarl of Windhelm and I was just some soldier.” He frowned, shook his head.
“She told him no. He backed down and Briinda thought she’d won. It would have made sense, actually. She was very good at getting what she wanted. That’s how we ended up married, later on.” He smiled, as much to himself as to Dardeh.
Roggi was starting to speak more slowly, making an obvious effort to enunciate each word. OK, he’s beginning to feel it, Dardeh thought. Good. It’ll dull the pain.
Roggi’s smile faded, and he made as if to continue a couple of times but stopped. Several long silent moments passed. Finally he nodded, almost to himself, took a drink, and looked Dardeh in the eye.
“Can I tell you this? Really?” His expression was almost desperate, his eyes pleading. “It’s not pretty.”
Dardeh frowned. “Of course. You can tell me anything. I thought you knew that.”
Roggi gazed at him, for a long moment, and then at last nodded. “Ok. I trust you.”
What in the world. What is going on?
“Well,” he said, taking another drink, “I’ve never told this to anyone before and you’ll know why in a minute.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Ulfric didn’t back down because of Briinda. Her saying no, my saying no, that wasn’t good enough for Ulfric. He came to me…”
Roggi trailed off.
Dardeh frowned. I don’t think I like where this is going. It feels wrong. Roggi’s having way more trouble telling me this story than he ought to be having. And it’s not because he has a broken rib and I’m pumping him full of mead.
“He came to me and said ’I’m going to have her one way or another.’ Tha’s what he told me. ‘Unless you find someone to take her place.’” Roggi was staring at his bottle; then he tipped it up and drained it.
“Wait… really? He was just going to force her? And he blackmailed you with it?”
Roggi made a face, a sour, defeated grimace. “Yes really. I’m sure he would’ve done it, too. Lock the door and jus’ do whatever he wanted. Because that’s what he does. He doesn’t ask. He demands. He assumes. He didn’ really care about her one way or the other. He jus’ couldn’t stand it that I told him no. He jus’ wanted to have his way.”
He stared down, smoothing the covers with his hands for a long time, so long that Dardeh began to wonder whether he would speak again. I wonder if I should just get him to lie down and he’ll fall asleep.
Then Roggi shifted his shoulders about, gingerly, wincing when the broken rib rubbed the wrong way. When he spoke his voice was quiet, but intense. “I was a lot younger then. I wasn’t gonna let him lay a hand on her, and I wasn’t willin’ to sacrifice anyone else so … I found someone to take her place.”
He looked up at Dardeh, and Dardeh almost jumped. My gods. I’ve never seen such a look in anyone’s eyes before. It was a look of the deepest anger, darkness of a hue that would seem almost impossible for blue eyes to achieve. He hates himself.
Roggi frowned, sighed. “Me. He took me instead. ‘Parently I was good lookin’ enough for him to find it a fair trade.” He looked back down at the bedclothes, and then a torrent of words came spilling out. “It was a challenge to keep it from her, but I can pull off a good act if I need to. I’ve never been good at tellin’ people the whole truth, I guess. She jus’ thought I was risin’ up higher in the ranks, and tha’s why I needed to spend so much time with Ulfric. I was, after all. That part of it was true ‘nough. People didn’ know what exactly I did, just that we were workin’ together. We were in a war, after all. An’ we did work, Ulfric, Galmar, me, an’ the others who had special jobs. Good work. But he hated it that I said no. About anythin’. So… I did what I needed to an’ kept her safe. I loved her so much, Dar. I din’ have any choice.”
Dardeh’s mouth fell open.
What? Just… what? Roggi? With… Ulfric? Against his will?
His head swam with the implications; his ears pounded with the sound of his own rising pulse. I can’t ever let him know how I feel about him. I just can’t. Not after what he has gone through. He would run away so far I’d never see him again. I can’t do that to him.
He looked down at Roggi and tried hard not to picture him with Ulfric, and it didn’t work. His throat constricted, and his eyes welled up with angry tears that he forced back.
I can’t stand it. Now I’m jealous of Ulfric godsforsaken Stormcloak. Talos hold me back before I walk back to the palace. There will be no Hermaeus Mora to save Ulfric from me if I do right now. I wear godsdamned Miraak’s mask on my belt now and I’d be happy to make a mask of Ulfric’s head and wear it on the other side.
Roggi shook his head and sighed. His eyes were drooping, and there was another long pause before he spoke again. “He didn’ really want me, he was jus’ proving he was the one with the power. Like a wolf. But do you know wha’s the wors’ of it?”
Dardeh looked a bit closer at Roggi. Yep, he’s fading. He’s going to be out cold soon. Good. He needs to rest. “There’s something more?”
Roggi looked up at him, hesitating, his eyes undecipherable. Three, four beats. Then he spoke. “I …” He stopped again, and sighed. “After the firs’ time. I jus’ went back on my own. Whenever he asked. He didn’ have to force me.” His eyes started to close, then he shook himself alert again. “An’ he knows it. It … took me a long damn time to gather enough strength to walk away an’ leave with Briinda. Tha’s what he meant by ‘married the nice safe Nord girl after all.’” He waggled the empty bottle in his hand. “Han’ me another, would you?”
Dardeh sat in stunned silence for a moment. This… He’s right, it is even worse, but not for the reasons he thinks it is. I’ll bet he thinks there’s something wrong with him. Talos preserve me.
He pushed himself up off the chair, handed another mead bottle to Roggi, then started pacing the short path of the room.
“I can’t believe him. How in the name of all that is holy could he have done that to you? To anyone who believed in him? Who was trying to help him win his gods-damned throne?” And then take advantage of the fact that you responded to him? Gods.
He watched as Roggi drained the bottle in not much more than a minute or two, swaying unsteadily on the bed, and then mentally kicked himself for not having paid better attention. Perfect, he thought. Just perfect. I’m an idiot to have given him so much. I wasn’t even thinking. If I were the kind of man to try to take advantage of a person when they were drunk this would be my golden opportunity because he is well and truly drunk. He’d have never told me or anyone else this much otherwise, I’m sure of it. But I’m not, and I can’t. Not now and not ever. Not after Ulfric. So much of Ulfric’s behavior in the throne room makes sense now.
Dardeh stood, taking in the look of pain – emotional as well as physical — that Roggi’s closed eyes couldn’t conceal. He’s remembering. He hates what he remembers. And he longs for it even so. Damn. He started pacing the room again.
“I knew there was something off about him from the first time I saw him, sitting in the back of a prison cart with a gag in his mouth.”
“An’ now you know there’s somethin’ off about me, too.” Roggi’s voice was quiet, self-deprecating, the voice of a man who had a deep-seated self-loathing.
“What?” He turned and looked down at Roggi. “What are you talking about? Wait, do you imagine I’d look down on you because…”
Because Ulfric was good in bed? It was an unsettling thought, to be certain, but only because he’d never even thought to consider Ulfric in that way, and didn’t care to consider the thought, ever again. Well he couldn’t have picked a safer person to tell this to than me, could he.
He paced back and forth, his anger growing by the moment.
“Roggi, listen to me. I don’t know whether you’ll remember it in the morning but listen anyway. I don’t ever want to hear you talking down about yourself again. He took advantage of you. For… for what? To have power?” I know that’s what it was. Miraak was the same, taunting me because he assumed he was the stronger one, wanted to prove it. Ulfric couldn’t stand that Briinda would pick Roggi over him. “And he used you and what you felt for Briinda. It’s disgusting. I have a Shout for him. You know the one. He’s heard it before, from the dragon at Helgen.”
“Dar.”
He looked down at Roggi. Roggi was looking at him, but it was clear that he was drifting away. Good. He needed to rest and let the rib start healing.
“What is it?” He sat down on the chair next to the bed.
“Don’t hurt ‘im. Please. Please.” Roggi closed his eyes. “I couldn’ bear it.”
Damn, Dardeh thought. I’ve heard of this before. Someone’s being held against their will and they come to feel sympathy toward the one who’s holding them. Don’t tell me that Roggi fell in love with him. It’ll kill me.
“Alright, but I don’t really understand.”
He helped Roggi lie down and get into a more comfortable position. Roggi grimaced, wincing at the pain, in spite of his numbed state.
This would never have happened if I hadn’t made you come with me. None of it would. It’s my fault.
Then he opened his eyes and looked at Dardeh, and spoke, slowly and precisely, just as clearly as if he hadn’t been drinking hard and fast for the past hour. His voice was low, rough, filled with something menacing that made the hair rise on the back of Dardeh’s neck.
“I want to be the one to slit his throat. I want to make him hurt, before he dies. I know how to do that. I used to do that kind of thing, for him, in the Stormcloaks, to get information out of people. That was what my special job really was, and I’m good at it, Dar. Really good. It’s what I did to those bandits who killed my family. It’s going to be long, and it’s going to be painful. I know exactly which of my tools I’m going to use. I have a set of them, you know? Special tools. And it’s going to be even worse for him because I know exactly how the Thalmor hurt him, when they took him prisoner. I know where his scars are. He told me things. So don’t hurt him.”
He smiled up at Dardeh, a beautiful smile, his eyes blue but dark, so dark.
“Leave him for me.”