He’d been running so hard and for so long that he was trailing droplets of sweat as he burst through the doors of Dragonsreach and made for the stairs up to the Great Porch. The woman who kept Balgruuf’s great hall neat and clean glared at him. He murmured “sorry,” as he dashed past her but in truth he wasn’t sorry at all. The floors of Dragonsreach had undoubtedly seen worse. He mounted the stairs two at a time and hurled himself out the doors onto the Great Porch.
It was another glorious day in Whiterun. A few puffy clouds drifted along through a brilliant blue sky, birds glided on the updrafts and elk bugled to each other out on the tundra, their songs clear and sharp in the crisp air. There was just enough of a breeze to carry the scents of freshly turned soil and pine trees up and into the confines of the Great Porch. It was peaceful, and safe, and normal; and it was perfectly beautiful.
It was a glorious day; and there was nobody there enjoying it.
“Roggi?” he called, trotting to the open end of the porch, looking in the alcoves on either side as he went. Roggi wasn’t there, nor were any of the guards who had been present when Odahviing landed, or Balgruuf, or Irileth. Someone had moved the usual furnishings back to their accustomed places in the sun, but nobody was seated there.
“Hello?”
Dardeh stood for a second, numb. He’s not here.
He’d practically been rude to Master Arngeir, on his way down the mountain, in his hurry to get back to Whiterun.
“Dragonborn. I can see it in your eyes. You have been to the land of the dead, and returned.”
“Yes, Alduin’s dead. Paarthurnax is still up on the mountain. Go talk to him about it. I have to go, Arngeir.”
And he had rushed through High Hrothgar and continued hurtling down the mountain. I’m not a priest. I’m not a Greybeard. I will never sit on the mountain and talk to the sky. I’m a fighter. I’m a miner. I want Roggi.
But in spite of how quickly he’d run down the mountainside, Roggi wasn’t here.
Where is he?
He turned and ran back through Dragonsreach. How long was I gone?
A few minutes later he threw open the door of Breezehome, sending it crashing into the wall behind. Lydia was standing in front of the cooking pot, and jumped.
“Dardeh! You’re… Oh my gods, Dar, you’re alive!” She ran to him and wrapped him in the tightest grip he’d ever felt from a woman. She was shaking, he realized. Crying?
“Where is he??” Dardeh took her shoulders and pushed her back. “Yes, of course I’m alive, Lydia, but where’s Roggi?”
She looked at him, wet-eyed, and he realized that in spite of himself he had managed to hurt her. Gods, Lydia, I’m so sorry, but you have to understand…
“He, uh,” she stopped and cleared her throat, and tried to continue. “We tried to talk him out of it, but he left, Dardeh, he thought…” Her voice stuck, she waved her hand in front of her face and shook her head.
“Papa!” Lucia came running out from her bedroom. Dardeh scooped her up and clasped her to his chest, his chin atop her head, and rocked her back and forth. Lucia. I’m so sorry. I’ve been such a bad father. I love you, little girl.
“Papa,” she said calmly, “You’re squashing me.”
Dardeh twitched, and set her down. “I’m so sorry! I was just happy to see my girl.”
“Papa,” she said, taking his hand and looking up at him. “You need to go get Mr. Roggi. He went back to Kynesgrove. He was afraid you weren’t coming back. He’s really sad, Papa. Go bring him home.”
Bring him home.
“I will, sweetheart. I’m going to.” He turned to Lydia. “I hope?”
She nodded.
“He needs you, Dardeh.”
Dardeh smiled and pulled her close into a hug, hoping she would somehow understand. I’m sorry Lydia. I didn’t mean to push you away. I don’t know how long I was gone, I didn’t realize anyone would think I’d died. He spoke quietly, next to her ear. “And I need him. And I need you, too, Lydia, so much, and not just to take care of things here. You’re my friend. Thank you.” He released her and turned for the door, then looked back at her and grinned. “You won’t believe what happened to me. I’ve got a whole bunch of stories to share when we get back.”
And he ran back out the door, and out of Whiterun, and down to the stables to hire the carriage to Windhelm. Even the Dragonborn couldn’t run forever.
___
He ran up the short hill into Kynesgrove, panting.
Why did he leave? I thought we had agreed, he was going to stay at Breezehome, he was going to stay… with me.
How long was I gone? Was it like Solstheim? Days that weren’t really days?
He ran up to Roggi’s house and hammered on the door.
“Roggi?”
There was no answer.
He pounded on it again.
“Roggi!!”
No, where is he? Do I go to the mine?
His heart was pounding almost as loudly as he’d been pounding on the door. His anxiety level was mounting, its claws clutching at his gut and squeezing his head like some gigantic monster.
I have to find him or I am going to explode. I was calmer facing Alduin. I don’t know what to do.
Maybe I should go to the mine. Maybe Kjeld knows where he is. Maybe he’s at the inn. Maybe he’s having fun without me. Maybe he’s found some cute girl and decided that he’s changed his mind about me. Maybe two girls, who knows.
“Damn it.” He turned to leave, and then stopped as he heard a voice calling from inside.
“Come in. It’s not locked.”
Oh for the love of Talos.
He threw the door open.
Roggi was sitting on the floor in front of the fire. He was holding a bottle of mead by its neck, swirling it. There were others placed carefully nearby, many of them, empty or full he couldn’t tell. Dardeh stopped, confused, not knowing what to do.
What is this?
“Roggi. Why didn’t you answer the door? Are you …”
His shoulders shrugged. “No. I was … getting ready, though.”
“You weren’t there!”
“Neither were you.”
Dardeh saw red. He bellowed.
“I just finished fighting Alduin! I RAN from the Throat of the World all the way to Whiterun, Roggi!! You said you were going to stay with me! I thought … I thought you wanted to be with me! I thought you cared about me!” I thought you loved me. You told me that you loved me.
Roggi still didn’t look at him. He stared at the fireplace and twirled the bottle.
“I thought you were dead.”
He paused, staring at the bottle again, then continued.
“I thought you were dead, and I was alone again. I can’t do that again, Dar. I can’t. I thought I was stronger now but I’m not. It would be too hard. I just…”
Dardeh’s anger vanished, a fire doused by cold water.
“By the gods, Roggi. I never even thought about that. I’m sorry.”
Roggi pushed himself to his feet, slowly, and put the bottle on the mantle. He turned to face Dardeh. Roggi’s eyes were wet, his face a picture of dejection.
“I’m weak, Dar. When you didn’t come back right away I thought you were gone and I ran away. I was ready to give up, just now. It was like when you were in Solstheim but worse, because we…” He cleared his throat and shook his head. “I thought I was going to be brave and do the right thing and take care of them, but I just left Lydia and Lucia and came back here to give up. It just all… hit me again.” His voice caught, and he cleared his throat. “I thought I was past losing her, Dar, but I guess it will never really go away. I was afraid. I’m still afraid. I lose myself, and I know the kinds of things I do.”
Briinda. I wish I could tell him that I saw her in Sovngarde, but I didn’t.
Dardeh took Roggi’s hands.
“I’ve never been married, so I don’t know what it’s like. But I understand losing someone.” Roggi would think he meant his mother; but his mind turned to the Stormcloak soldier in Sovngarde. That loss would haunt him to the end of his days, he knew it. “And I understand being afraid. And I understand being alone.”
He stepped closer to Roggi, and reached his right hand up to touch his face.
“Listen to me. Alduin is dead. And I mean really dead, this time. I’ll tell you all about it later but he’s gone and the world is not going to end. Miraak is dead. Ulfric is – somebody else’s problem now. We did it. WE did it. You and I. You may not have been standing beside me but trust me, it was just like you said, you were with me. You’re about the farthest thing from weak that I can think of.”
Roggi looked down at the floor. He was clearly struggling with himself. Dardeh moved a little closer, reached up and pulled the tie out of Roggi’s hair, earning himself a surprised look from Roggi.
Dammit, Roggi, I ran all the way from Sovngarde for you. I want you.
“There’s not a single reason for either of us to be alone, Roggi. I’m not ever going to leave you again, not if you’ll have me. There’s no reason. Lydia wants you to come back to Whiterun. Lucia – Lucia told me ‘bring him home, Papa.’ You have… a strange little family waiting for you, if you’ll have us.”
“She said that?”
Dardeh nodded, and was rewarded with a small smile.
“She wanted to know whether you’re going to be her papa too.”
He leaned forward and kissed Roggi, lightly, just a brush across his lips, meant to be of careful reassurance and nothing more. But suddenly he found Roggi holding his arms in a vise grip, steering him backwards, and they became a flurry of arms and legs, clothing flying one way and the next in a trail that led to Roggi’s bed.
Some considerable amount of time later Dardeh turned to look at Roggi and smiled.
“Don’t ever leave me again,” he said.
Roggi grinned. “Me? Leave you?”
“Yeah. Don’t.”
“You’re a fine one to talk, Dar.”
Dardeh smiled again. “I’m not going to leave you. There’s no reason for me to do that anymore. In fact, I know how to make absolutely sure that’s never going to happen.”
Roggi raised an eyebrow. “You have some kind of Shout you’re going to use on me, is that it?”
“Nope.” Dardeh grinned. “I would if I needed to, have no doubts about that, but I have a better idea. We’re heading south in the morning.”
Roggi frowned. “South? To…”
“To Riften. We’re going to Riften. I’m going to marry you.”
Roggi’s smile faded, and he studied Dardeh’s face, searching.
“Don’t joke about something like that, Dar. That’s just too hard.”
Dardeh rolled onto his side, cupped one hand behind Roggi’s head and kissed him again, a long, slow, sweet kiss.
“I’m not joking. Marry me, Roggi. Be my husband.”
Roggi opened his mouth as if to speak and then closed it again, and blinked.
“I…”
“You what? Look, we’ve been over this before. I’m done, you’re the one I love, Roggi. Marry me.”
A slow smile spread over Roggi’s face.
“You’re serious, aren’t you?”
Dardeh snorted. “Yes I’m serious. Who would joke about a thing like that? No, never mind, don’t answer that. Someone would, I’m sure. Roggi. I’m serious. Marry me. Let’s give Lucia her two papas. It was her idea in the first place, you know.”
Roggi looked thoughtful, any number of emotions flickering across his face. Dardeh knew that one of them was the pain of loss, the regret for everything that had happened with Briinda a decade earlier. Then he thought he saw Roggi release that pain, at least a little bit. His face relaxed, and his smile became one that spoke of peace and acceptance.
I wonder if Briinda just spoke to him, the way Ma speaks to me.
“You know, that was exactly what Briinda said to me, way back when.”
“Smart girl. I would have said that, too. In fact, I did. And? What do you think about it?”
“I think that’s a fine idea.”
Dardeh expelled the breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding, a great sigh of relief and happiness. He flopped down onto his back and started telling Roggi the story of how he, the miner from Markarth, had gone to the land of the dead and saved the world, carrying with him in his heart the strength and fire of his Redguard forbears, the wisdom and patience of his Nord mother, and the love of a man from Kynesgrove who meant more to him than anything else in the world.
____
He stood facing Roggi, holding Roggi’s hands in his own, smiling. There couldn’t be a bigger contrast, he thought. Here I am, wide, and brown, and short, with mismatched eyes and hair that can’t decide whether it belongs on a Nord or a Redguard. And there is Roggi. Ten years older than me, tall, pale, blonder than blonde, with those beautiful blue eyes and a beard that’s longer than my hair when I let it loose. And yet here we are.
He looked out at the small, odd gathering of people who had become his friends and family, and smiled.
He had found a courier and sent word to Lydia the next morning. “Meet us in Riften,” he’d told her. He knew she would understand and would be there. And there she was, among those in the Temple. She’d asked Balgruuf to let Lucia play with his children for a few days, for the staff in Dragonsreach to keep an eye out for her, and then Lydia had ridden for Riften as hard as she could ride. She’d arrived in her steel armor, eyes sparkling, with tales of the bandits she’d taken down on the way there. Still a warrior, no matter how much she enjoys taking care of Lucia.
He glanced over Roggi’s shoulder and caught the eye of the big redhead sitting in the front row. He’d found Brynjolf in the marketplace at dusk. “I’m going to marry Roggi,” he’d told him, not knowing what sort of reception that news might receive. “I want you to be there. You and Delvin, if he’ll come. It would mean a lot to Roggi. And to me,” he’d added with a grin.
Brynjolf had surprised him by merely cocking his head to one side and looking thoughtful. “That’s good, lad. I’m a little surprised, to be honest. But that’s good. I’m happy for both of you.” He chuckled. “I guess I owe Andante a drink. He told me you two were an item and I didn’t believe him, for… reasons I expect Roggi has told you about. Congratulations, lad. I’ll be there,” he said in his softest tones. And he was, and Delvin too, both seated in the front row behind Roggi.
Dardeh thought of his mother, and also of his father, and nodded, having come to a decision. He smiled at Maramal and at the people witnessing this moment, and then spoke.
“I know these things don’t usually involve speeches but Maramal has been kind enough to allow me to make one,” he said, knowing that his voice would fill the space regardless of anyone’s wishes. “I hope you’ll indulge me.”
“I am,” he said, taking a deep breath and looking around to be sure that everyone was paying attention as he named himself, “Dardeh at-Dadarh, son of Ellte of Markarth and half-brother to Dagnell of Stros M’Kai. Both Redguard and Nord. I am Thane in the court of Jarl Balgruuf the Greater, adoptive father of Lucia of Whiterun, and grateful friend to Lydia, my Housecarl. I am numbered among the Skaal-friend on Solstheim, having bested their foe, Miraak the Dragon-Priest.”
He smiled, remembering his conversation with Tsun, and knowing that nobody else in the room would fully understand what he was about to say next.
“I am Dragonborn, and High Hrothgar is among the places that afford me welcome. By right of birth, I have entered Sovngarde and returned. And I am the slayer of Alduin, the World-Eater.”
He turned back to Roggi and looked at his smile, and his eyes began to mist over.
“But today I take on my most desired role and assume my most important title. From this day forward I am Dardeh, husband of Roggi Knot-Beard of Kynesgrove. There is nothing in this world or the next that I have ever wanted more, or that means as much to me.”
Roggi smiled.
“Dar,” he whispered, squeezing Dardeh’s hands. His smile was all Dardeh needed to see to know they were doing the right thing, and he could feel his mother’s warmth in the room around them, underscoring that conviction.
Then Roggi cleared his throat and spoke up, quietly. Dardeh didn’t know whether anyone else would catch his words, but it didn’t matter. “And I am Roggi Knot-Beard of Kynesgrove. The last of my clan. Miner.” He paused and his smile took on a sad touch, for just a moment. “Widower of Briinda of Windhelm. Former … soldier,” he added, grinning, “and much to my surprise and delight, about to become husband of Dardeh, the Dragonborn, the best and bravest man I ever met.”
Roggi looked at Brynjolf and Delvin in the front row and winked, then smiled at Dardeh once again and raised his voice to make sure that everyone could hear.
“And I will go where you go, and fight your enemies as my own, love and protect your child as though she were mine, and hold you and all of your family next to my heart until the Divines call us home. Now and forever, Dar.”
Dardeh felt a tear slipping down his face. He hadn’t expected anything like this.
“Now and forever, Roggi.”
Maramal smiled at them. “Under the authority of Mara, divine of love, I declare this couple to be wed. I present the two of you with these matching rings, blessed by Mara’s divine grace. May they protect each of you in your new life together.”
Dardeh gathered Roggi up in an embrace, his mouth close to Roggi’s ear.
“I love you, Roggi,” he whispered.
Roggi inhaled, as if to speak, but then Delvin’s voice punctuated the room.
“Well. That’s that then! About time we got that all wrapped up nice and tidy. Let’s have a drink.”
And everyone broke out laughing.
They spent some time there, with the others. Dardeh noticed Brynjolf give Roggi a long, hard hug. Ah it has to be hard for him. Especially when Roggi mentioned my family. We all know that means Brynjolf, too, but nobody can say it in public for his safety as well as mine. Well, now it’s time to get serious about finding her.
Brynjolf approached him and patted him on the back. “Congratulations, lad,” he said quietly. “I’m happy for both of you. Roggi is a special friend to me.”
Dardeh smiled at him. “Brother. Now we’re all brothers, the three of us. How about that?”
Brynjolf smiled, but it was half-hearted. “Well, in a way.”
“Naah, Brynjolf. It doesn’t matter to me. You’re still always going to be our brother. I never thought I’d be saying this, given your particular station in life and our introduction to each other but… I’m honored. Ok?”
Brynjolf nodded. Then he looked up and to the back of the room. Andante was standing near the doors, arms crossed, waiting patiently.
Brynjolf’s gaze flicked back to Dardeh’s. “I hope you won’t mind if I slip out, lad. I have some, uh, business to attend to,” he murmured. “You have the key, yes?”
“Yes,” Dardeh nodded, smiling. Andante had given them Honeyside for the night, Brynjolf had told him. It wouldn’t do for newlyweds to spend their first night in the Bee and Barb. He would bunk in the fishing shack. Dardeh suspected that Brynjolf had had something to do with Andante’s generosity.
“Go take care of things. Thanks for being here. It meant a lot to us.”
Brynjolf nodded and headed for the door. While he was walking away, Andante met Dardeh’s gaze and grinned. Dardeh thought he saw the slightest nod toward Brynjolf.
Oh, I see. Have things moved in that direction, then? I would not have anticipated that. Not at all. But I wouldn’t have expected this, either.
He smiled and nodded to Andante, then turned back to find his new husband.
“Let’s go get some air.”
Roggi nodded. They walked back to the doors of the Temple and slipped outside, standing on the porch in the crisp night air. They hadn’t wanted to wait a moment longer than necessary, so had decided to have the ceremony as soon as Maramal was ready, in the wee hours. There was a goodly fog over Riften, as there often was, light from the moons filtering down through it and giving a frosty look to the city.
Dardeh turned to Roggi and smiled.
“We did it.”
“We did.”
“How… do you feel?”
Roggi took a deep breath and expelled it, with a smile. “I never thought I’d be standing in front of a priest of Mara like that twice in my life.” Roggi had been concerned, because of the old tradition that said people only got married once, in Skyrim.
“But you weren’t married in Skyrim,” Maramal had told Roggi, with a twinkle in his eye. “You were married in Cyrodiil. And therefore there is no reason that Mara will not smile on your union here in Skyrim.”
Roggi stretched his shoulders out.
“I feel good. I feel like this was right. There’s hope now. I feel… like this.”
He leaned forward and gathered Dardeh into a kiss.
“And I feel like seeing what Andante’s done to Honeyside since the last time we were here,” he added, once he stepped back.
Dardeh just nodded, mutely, the kiss having left him a bit rubber-kneed and wanting nothing more than to be just led by the hand to whatever place Roggi wanted him to go.