Dardeh passed his hand over his face and sighed. Finally, finally the tent was up. It had fought him all the way. Roggi had a fire going and the cooking pot set beside it to warm, water simmering in it for stewing the rabbits Dardeh had taken down.
Dardeh plopped down onto the log he’d dragged near the fire.
“Gods, I’m tired.”
“I know you are. So sit. I’ll take care of the rest of this,” Roggi replied as he used that sharp, sharp knife of his to cut up the rabbits. Dardeh shuddered. It had been just too disquieting to see him use that knife, and he simply didn’t want to bring the subject up ever again. He didn’t want to have the need to bring it up ever again.
____
It had happened earlier, as they paralleled the road toward Helgen, staying high up against the base of the mountains.
They had been talking quietly, hiking along, and suddenly Dardeh had found himself with a knife in his shoulder, his armor having been pierced by the intense force of the blow. He hadn’t had a chance to draw, or Shout, or even land a solid punch; but by sheer dumb luck Roggi had managed to sweep the assassin’s feet out from under him and bludgeon him with the hilt of his sword while Dardeh healed himself as fast as he could.
“We’re going to get to the bottom of this,” Roggi snarled, trussing the man up like a prize goat and tossing him against the rocks.
“Roggi, come on. Really. Just… get rid of him,” he said, not able to keep the exasperation out of his voice. He was a little surprised the man wasn’t dead already. He’s just one more man to kill. Kill him and get it over with.
“No.” Roggi turned to look at him. His eyes had that dark look about them, the one that he’d had in Windhelm, but edged with an odd energy, and Dardeh shuddered to see it. “I want to know who is sending these people after you, other than the obvious. The obvious is that he’s Dark Brotherhood, and they just do what they’re paid to do, otherwise I would have asked Andante to talk to the Listener about them. Someone had to hire him. I’m going to find out who.”
“Roggi…”
“No, Dar. Don’t argue with me. This is twice in just a couple of days. I’m tired of you being attacked like this.”
His voice was harsh. Threatening, like a wolf’s warning growl. Dardeh stared at him, the hair rising on the back of his neck. I haven’t ever seen him quite like this. I don’t know what I could do to stop him, right now. He just nodded his head, slowly.
Roggi squatted down in front of the man, waiting patiently until he woke, and started asking. Calm, his voice gentle, that soothing, honeyed baritone that Dardeh could listen to all day.
“We were a little quicker than you this time, sorry to say, and I have you at a bit of a disadvantage at the moment. But don’t worry. We can make … an arrangement.”
An arrangement. Dardeh shuddered.
“You give me a bit of information, I let you go, and my friend won’t kill you with any of the really rather uncomfortable methods at his disposal. It’ll be just as easy as can be, and we all come out on top. So tell me. Who sent you? We’d really like to know. ”
The man laughed.
Roggi smiled, the same beautiful smile Dardeh loved, and pulled a knife from the top of his boot.
He really does have a knife in his boot. He said he did.
“You really do need to tell me. I know you’re from the Brotherhood. You people really should get some less gaudy armor. Everyone knows what it is. But never mind that. Who hired you? That’s all I need to know. If you tell me, well… I know people who can get word to the Listener, so that she won’t punish you for failing. Otherwise…” He shrugged his shoulders.
“You must be crazy if you think I’d tell you that,” he said, sneering.
Roggi smiled again and reached out to touch the man’s bound hands. He lifted them, just as gently as though they belonged to a child, looked them over. Then he licked his lips.
Dardeh shuddered again. By Talos. What was that all about?
Roggi looked up and smiled, then addressed the assassin again, still in the same soft tones.
“Last chance. Who sent you?”
The man spat at him.
And Roggi deftly removed the thumb from the assassin’s left hand, so expertly that Dardeh barely saw him do it.
The assassin screamed.
Dardeh wanted to shout at Roggi to stop, but no sound would come. All he could do was stare in shock, his mouth open.
Roggi calmly tossed the assassin’s thumb into the rocks, then ripped off a piece of the man’s clothing and wrapped it around his hand to help slow the bleeding. He absently lifted his own hand to his mouth and licked off a spot of blood from his own thumb, never taking his eyes off the trembling man.
The assassin stopped screaming but was sobbing.
Dardeh stared at Roggi. He’s enjoying this. Just look at his eyes. I’m going to be ill. If I can ever move.
“I’m sorry. I know it hurts, but I did give you a chance to cooperate. I would have just taken a finger if you hadn’t spat at me. Now. You’re not going to be using that hand to wield a knife anymore, so you might as well tell me who sent you and nothing else will happen to you. All right? Like I said before. You tell me what I need to know and you go free. It’s just as easy as that. Otherwise… I can’t promise anything.” Roggi’s voice was still calm, warm and soothing.
“I don’t know. I don’t know who takes out my contracts, I just get the contracts.”
Roggi shook his head and looked sad.
“That’s not the right answer,” he said. He ran his knife slowly down the front of the assassin’s armor, cutting it open, while the man trembled visibly. Then he looked at him thoughtfully and made a second pass down the same cut, pressing harder, not taking his eyes off the man’s face. A bright red line followed the knife, and the man screamed again, squirming in an effort to escape the pain. It hadn’t been a shallow cut. He was bleeding profusely, and shaking.
Roggi, stop. You don’t need to do this.
“Stop it. Just stop it,” he cried, gasping between words, tears running down his cheeks. “I don’t know. Don’t you know how it works? The contracts are just handed out to us. All we know is who to kill. Check my pockets.”
Roggi laughed, a sound Dardeh ordinarily found beautiful but which seemed surreally horrifying in these circumstances.
“You’re brave, inviting me to reach into your pockets, given what I have in my hands,” he said. But he did that, and pulled out a note. He skimmed it and nodded. “I’ve seen this sort of note before. Just a name. The price has already been paid. Failure is not an option. The usual. Well, that’s really too bad,” he said, sighing as he rose to his feet and tossed the contract aside. “I was just getting started. I had hoped we’d enjoy a bit more conversation, but this note makes it unnecessary. What a shame. At least I can make you more comfortable now.” His voice dropped to a growl. “Because now I have no use at all for you.”
And he slit the man’s throat.
Dardeh watched, shaking, as the man’s terrorized eyes slowly went dull and his life poured out of the gaping wound on his neck. Roggi calmly dragged the body away from them, dumping it down the hill and behind some rocks, where the wolves would find it and take care of it.
He told me this was what he was.
He told me and I couldn’t believe that it was really the truth. Not Roggi.
This can’t ever happen again.
Dardeh finished healing his shoulder as best he could, swallowing over and over against his stomach’s desire to empty itself. He could find no words adequate to the task of putting voice to what he was thinking, aside from this can’t ever happen again.
Roggi returned to him and helped him to his feet, slipping him tentative, concerned glances but not saying anything. Dardeh could see the looks, but refused to return them. I don’t know what to say yet.
They walked for some time without speaking in the serene, warm day, insects and birds murmuring a counterpoint to the rustling of birch and aspen leaves stirred by the sweet-smelling breeze, the sun casting dancing shadows beneath the trees.
“Dardeh?”
Dardeh almost jumped out of his skin. He caught his breath and forced himself to keep walking, calmly, staring straight ahead.
I can’t look at him because I will break if I do. I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want Roggi to be like this.
“Yeah?”
“How’s your shoulder?”
“It’s fine. Well, pretty close to fine. It’s wasn’t all that bad a wound, really. Except to the armor. He just caught me off-guard.”
They walked a bit farther, Dardeh waiting for what he was sure had to follow. Finally Roggi cleared his throat.
Here it comes.
“Dar, I’m sorry about that back there. I don’t know why I thought he’d tell us anything. Or could. I just needed to do it. A lot. The way… you need water when you’re thirsty.” He shook his head and glanced at Dardeh. “I was…”
“What?”
“Thinking that maybe it was Ulfric who sent him. And he just had to pay.”
Dardeh stopped walking, stared at the ground for a moment, thinking. I know. I thought it too. Then he turned and looked Roggi in the eyes. He spoke slowly and deliberately, putting as much weight into his voice as he could.
“Listen to me. I want you to hear this.”
Roggi nodded.
“That was one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen a person do.”
Roggi’s eyes widened. He hadn’t been expecting that reaction.
“Don’t look surprised. You didn’t actually think I was going to enjoy that little show, did you? It was ugly, and you know it was. I’m also absolutely certain I didn’t see a fraction of what you know how to do. It didn’t last long enough for you to have given me a good demonstration, and all you have with you is a knife.”
Roggi’s face, his eyes shifting to the side, told him all he needed to know. Yes, a part of him had been showing off. Specifically for him. Yes, the man Roggi had just dumped behind the rocks had been an assassin and was going to die one way or another by virtue of having failed that encounter. No, he hadn’t needed to suffer first. And how was it that Roggi had imagined I would want that? Was he just trying to show me his own power, because I have so much of my own?
“I don’t ever want to see you do it again, and especially not on my account. Listen to me. We could have taken care of that guy in five seconds and would have been completely justified in doing so. But torturing him… torturing him, Roggi. It makes me ill. Physically ill.” He shook his head. “I even hate it that I have to kill people, just defending myself. I can’t even believe what I’ve had to do since I left Markarth. The extent of it. Do you understand?”
Roggi nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry, Dar. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Dardeh turned away and started walking. Roggi mumbled something else that Dardeh couldn’t quite make out.
“What did you say?”
“I said that I have my tool kit with me. In the pack. I always carry it when I travel, just in case. I don’t know why. Nobody’s paying me to hurt people anymore. I’ve been carrying the damned thing around for ten years, keeping the tools all nice and sharp.”
Dardeh stopped cold and stared at the ground.
“Oh. I see.” He has his torture tools with him. By the Nine. He felt lightheaded. He took several deep breaths until the feeling passed, and then began walking again, quietly.
Roggi’s voice came from behind him.
“And now you want me to leave, after all this. Don’t you. Wouldn’t blame you.”
Dardeh threw his hands up in the air. “Don’t be a complete idiot.” He started walking again. Roggi followed along in silence.
By Talos, Roggi. I don’t ever want you to leave. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself any more. I don’t know what to do with you. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.
They continued along the edge of the mountains, the rustling of fallen leaves underfoot as they walked the only sounds interrupting the beautiful day.
“I’m sorry, Dar,” his quiet voice came from behind Dardeh after a few minutes. “I don’t know what happens to me. I just… get lost somewhere. It’s like I’m standing outside myself, watching someone else do these magnificently awful things. Like art.”
Dardeh sighed. I know, and I would do anything in the world to be able to fix it. Might as well tell him about it.
“I know. The same sort of thing happened to me on Solstheim. Not exactly the same, but close enough. That’s one of the reasons you didn’t hear from me. I didn’t even know how to describe it and I really couldn’t believe it was happening.” He glanced at Roggi. “It’s terrifying to suddenly see a burned body in front of you and know that you did it because you got angry, but you don’t remember doing it.”
Roggi frowned. “Gods, Dar. I’m sorry. I wish I didn’t understand.”
“Don’t worry about it anymore. Maybe …” he shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe we can help each other. Just please, don’t do it again. And help me find a good place to set up camp. I’m exhausted.”
________
And here he was, watching Roggi cut up rabbits as though nothing unusual had ever happened. He was sure it would be a good stew but right at that moment he couldn’t imagine eating anything.
He still couldn’t make sense of it. How could it be that Ulfric Stormcloak could be so uplifting, could inspire such pride and dedication in men and women alike and yet see a man like Roggi who could be so easily influenced and do things to him that twisted him so badly? How could he have the natural talent to use the power of the Voice and yet so thoroughly reject Arngeir’s teachings of quiet contemplation? I wonder if that’s who Arngeir meant, he wondered, when he warned me about the use of my power. He knew it might happen to me because he’d seen it before.
I wonder if being tortured by the Thalmor did something to Ulfric besides just hurt him physically, and that’s why he hurt Roggi. Maybe he’s damaged inside, too.
I don’t think I care.
He also couldn’t make sense of what he’d seen of Roggi in the days just past. Roggi had always seemed – not weak, not docile, but not in any way aggressive, to Dardeh. He had always waited for Dardeh’s lead unless he’d seen an attack coming first. What Dardeh had watched earlier was commanding, aggressive, cruel, and in no sense weak. It took skill to do what he’d done to the man’s thumb, so quickly and smoothly; and somehow he hadn’t quite realized how strong Roggi really was, in spite of watching his seemingly effortless work with a greatsword. It was as if Roggi had shed a disguise and had stepped out of it a different man – darker, stronger, and far more skilled than he had ever let on. It was in some ways frightening, and in others exciting, and he didn’t know what to think about the fact that he found it exciting.
He shook his head. I don’t understand any of it. Too much has happened in too short a time. It’s too hard. I’m too tired. I don’t even know who I am any more. This isn’t where I want to be. I wish Ma would tell me what to do. Or Talos. It’s been too long since I’ve talked to him.
He dropped his elbows to his knees and rested his head in his hands, then sighed. He was tired, no doubt about it, tired to his bones. He was tired of the fighting, and the killing, and the politics, and people trying to kill him, and all the damned dragons, and having everyone look at him as though he was supposed to save the world. Alduin, prophecies, Daedra, he didn’t want to deal with any of them anymore. He just wanted to find Dagnell. And maybe find a mine to work in, something solid, something he could put his hands to and control, and count on. Embershard, maybe. Maybe Whiterun Watch still had veins in it. Or one of the old mines out behind Whiterun, on the plains. Maybe he could get a bigger place than Breezehome, or make one. A house for him, with space for Lydia, and Lucia, and, well…
He stood again and walked over to the fire, just watching Roggi fussing around near it, standing near him but not too near.
Space for you, too, Roggi. That’s what I want. Gods. I’ve been fighting so long. I’m so tired of all of it and all I want to do is take care of you and…
Roggi looked up and smiled. He straightened and turned to Dardeh, and then asked him again the same thing he’d asked a hundred times before.
“What can I do for you, friend?”
To Oblivion with all of it.
“This. You can do this.”
He put both hands behind Roggi’s head and pulled him close, and kissed him with everything he’d been trying to conceal for months on end; all the longing, and wanting to heal all the wounds, and the anger at what life had done to them both, and the deep, smoldering desire he’d barely been able to control. He felt as though he was going to consume them both, and if there had been a Shout for what he was feeling he would have had no choice but to utter it at that moment.
Roggi stiffened. He didn’t pull back; he didn’t push Dardeh away, and he didn’t refuse the kiss. He just froze in place.
It was as though someone had slapped Dardeh, waking him up. He dropped his hands and stepped back, confused. Oh no. What have I just done?
Roggi was standing stock still, his face unreadable.
“My gods, Roggi. I’m… I’m so sorry. I… Gods damn it.” He turned and walked away past the tent, both hands up over his head, feeling as though a hagraven had sunk its long claws into his chest and was tearing his heart out inch by painful inch. I have just ruined everything, absolutely everything. What an idiot. How could I be so incredibly stupid? His mind raced through all the time he’d spent carefully concealing his feelings so that this man would not feel threatened, not be offended, not go away – and he had just ruined it with one stupid, careless act.
There were several long, quiet moments, punctuated only by crickets and the soft sounds of birds calling to each other in the bushes.
“Dardeh?” Roggi called, from near the fire. Dardeh couldn’t tell anything from his voice.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I should never have done that. I had no business doing that. Especially not to you, Roggi, after everything you’ve been through. I’m just… so very sorry.”
“Dardeh, come back here, would you?”
Dardeh lowered his arms and sighed. He looked up at the fading sky. Well, that’s it then. He’s been worried about me sending him away and now he’s going to leave on his own and it’s because I am an idiot who can’t control himself. He heard quiet footsteps behind him, and in spite of that started as Roggi’s warm hand rested gently on his shoulder.
“Dar. Cut it out. Turn around and look at me.” It was not quite a command, but it was close.
He took a deep breath and turned to face Roggi.
Roggi was smiling at him, a small, gentle smile.
“I want to tell you something.”
Dardeh nodded, not trusting his voice.
“That… was something that I have wanted to happen. Wished for.”
What?
“What?”
“Why do you think I was so worried that you would send me away? I wanted this.”
Roggi reached for Dardeh and pulled him close, then returned the kiss. It was gentle, and reassuring. Dardeh closed his eyes and savored both it and the feeling of Roggi’s solid build underneath his hands as he rested them on Roggi’s hips.
Talos preserve me. His mouth is so soft. He’s so warm. He’s perfect. It was quiet, and sweet, and then it wasn’t; he began to feel again as though he might consume them both, his heart beginning to pound, and he felt Roggi begin to respond in kind, pulling him closer. He stopped, pulled back reluctantly with his eyes still closed, their mouths the barest whisper apart, and said “Roggi.”
Roggi didn’t let go of him. He simply slipped his mouth to the side, kissed Dardeh’s cheek and nipped at his earlobe, sending a frisson of desire rippling over him. “What is it, Dar?” Roggi murmured next to Dardeh’s ear, his voice low, carrying overtones of invitation and teasing. Dardeh caught his breath and tried hard not to moan. If nothing else happens, nothing at all, I will die happy because of these last few moments.
“You don’t have to do this, Roggi,” he said, forcing himself to open his eyes to look at Roggi’s, searching for any sign that this was happening for the wrong reasons. “You really don’t. Not after Ulfric…”
Roggi put a finger over Dardeh’s mouth, interrupting, shaking his head. “You’re right. I don’t . And it’s got nothing to do with Ulfric, thank the gods. This is about you. And me. And this.”
He kissed Dardeh again, a lingering kiss that had Dardeh whimpering in spite of himself. Then he pulled back and smiled.
“There’s not a single thing in this world that could make me do this against my will. I was just completely surprised. I didn’t think this was even a possibility. Understand?”
Dardeh nodded again. “Oh I surely do.” I can’t believe this is happening. Did we really both want the same thing, all this time?
Roggi sighed and tilted his head to the side. “Tell me something. Be honest with me. I have to know.” He was staring at Dardeh, intently, searching. He rested his hands on Dardeh’s shoulders, then ran them down his arms.
“What is it?”
“This is something you want, Dar? Truly? Even after what happened with that assassin? Because I know that I’m… not the person you thought I was, originally. And I’ll stop if you want me to. We can just drop it and move on.”
Dardeh laughed at the absurdity of it all. He could easily devour the man right then and there, had wanted him with a blinding passion from the first time he’d seen him and only now, after all this time, after one of the most disturbing things he’d ever witnessed, he was finding out that his feelings might even be returned, at least the part of his feelings that were screaming out to be heard right then.
“I have wanted this since the day I met you, Roggi. And every single second in between then and now I have wanted it more. I… don’t even have words for it. Yes. This is something I truly, truly want.”
“Well, then. It seems we have something else in common.” Roggi took Dardeh’s hand and smiled again, his eyes bright with what looked to Dardeh like a fire of their own. “Come with me. We have some things to get straightened out. And I want to do that, right now, before we waste even one more minute.” He pulled Dardeh along, to the tent and inside, smiling at him the whole way, and the fire in Dardeh burned hotter and higher with every step.
______
Dardeh hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep until a sound woke him up. It was much later; dark, in fact. The fire was still bright, outside the tent. He sat up, rubbing his eyes, then slipped into his clothes and made his way over to the log. Roggi was sitting there, his hair loose, poking about the edges of the fire with a stick. He looked up at Dardeh and smiled. “I finished dinner. Figured you probably needed to sleep awhile, but if you’re hungry…” and nodded toward the cooking pot. “We’re lucky nothing came and stole the meat while we were, um, busy.”
Dardeh grinned. “Actually, I am. I’m famished.” He chuckled, and got himself a bowl of stew, then sat back down close to Roggi to eat it. It tasted wonderful, and he gulped at it, hot as it was. I feel like I haven’t eaten in a year, he thought.
Roggi watched him, a mischievous smile playing around his mouth and his eyes.
“Um…”
Dardeh smiled back. I love his eyes. I love his smile. I am the most fortunate man in the world. “What is it?”
“I don’t know if you would agree but that was really, really…”
“Really fine?” Dardeh grinned. “I would most definitely agree with that.”
Roggi chuckled. “But what I want to know is, how is it that I didn’t realize…”
Dardeh almost spit out his stew, laughing.
“I do not know, Roggi. The times you asked me when I was going to get myself a woman and I told you probably never. Did it really never occur to you why I was telling you that?”
“Nope. It really didn’t. I guess I was trying too hard to put things out of my mind for it to register.”
Dardeh chewed on another mouthful of stew, then started talking with his mouth mostly full. “You know, I cannot remember a single time, in my entire life, when I was even slightly interested in having a woman. Not one. I don’t dislike them, or anything, but take one to bed? No. Not interested. Take Lydia, for example.” He swallowed and grabbed a waterskin, washed the food down. “Gosh she’s beautiful. She’s stunning. You know. I like looking at her like… like a piece of art. And that’s all there is. We could live in the same house for a hundred years and it wouldn’t make any difference. I was convinced that you two were going to end up together when I was in Solstheim,” he added with a grin.
“Well that’s rich, because I was convinced you were going to marry her and be the happy little family and I’d be the odd man out yet again.” Roggi grinned. “Still, I’ll bet you’ve had your fair share of women make… attempts.”
“Heh,” Dardeh laughed. “Don’t you know it.”
And then something occurred to him.
“Roggi, what about Dagnell?” He didn’t really want to know. He didn’t want to imagine Roggi walking away from him if they found her. But he needed to ask.
Roggi turned and looked at him, serious, for several long moments.
“I wasn’t expecting that question. Well. I will always care about your sister. She was a friend before she was anything else. If I ever see her again, she’ll still be a friend. I promised I would always stand beside her if she needs me and I meant that. But things are … different now. It’s not going to be like it was, if we find her. Besides, Dar, she’s Bryn’s wife. Not mine. I know that didn’t stop me before, but…”
He looked away, out over the darkened mountainside, and was quiet for several heartbeats. Then he shook his head.
“No, that’s over and done with. It was over from the moment I walked into Honeyside and saw what was happening to him, while you were in Solstheim. I don’t ever want to see him hurting like that again. There’s a part of me that can’t forgive her for that.”
Dardeh watched quietly. I don’t know what to think about her. I want to find her, still, but I hate that she hurt him. Them.
“I don’t know what she was looking for in me. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure it out and I just can’t. At first I thought she just wanted to be… wanted. But you can’t imagine how much Brynjolf loves her. That’s not what it was. As to me I’m pretty sure I was imagining that normal life I never got to have with Briinda. Trying to be, I don’t know, an ordinary guy.”
Dardeh frowned. “Ulfric.” I still want to kill him.
Roggi nodded. “Ulfric, the war, all the things I had to learn to do, I’m just… not an ordinary guy, Dar. Not the person everyone thinks I am. And I guess it’s time for me to stop pretending otherwise. Marrying Dag wouldn’t have changed it. I’d still be the guy who travels with a tool kit in his pack. I’ll show it to you if you want.”
Dardeh stared at him for a long moment. I do want to see it. Why do I want that?
“Not… right now,” he finally managed, weakly.
Roggi stretched, and chuckled. “I suppose I should thank Ulfric for one thing, though,” he said, smirking.
“What’s that?”
“If not for him I’d never have known what it is that I like.” He shot a sideways glance at Dardeh, one full of mischief. Dardeh laughed.
“Uh, yeah. You were pretty clear about all that, Roggi. Trust me, I don’t mind.”
Roggi grinned at him, his eyes twinkling. “So were you.”
Dardeh felt himself blushing, and felt foolish. “Sorry.”
Roggi smiled. “Don’t be. I guess we’ve both got a bit of fire, don’t we. At least you don’t hurt people with yours.”
Dardeh looked away from him for a moment, frowning. Don’t I? You just haven’t seen it, that’s all. You’ve only seen the nice Nord boy, out to save the world from Alduin. You haven’t seen the Redguard man from a family of killers, the one who holds up a dying Khajiit just to make the death a bit more painful.
“Roggi?”
“What is it?”
“How long… ?” How long have we held each other at arm’s length when we didn’t need to?
“Told you,” Roggi said, staring into the fire. “I’m good at pretending. I even managed to fool myself.” He sighed. “I missed you so much when you were on Solstheim, but I kept telling myself it was just because it had been so nice to have a friend again.”
He smirked.
“Ulfric saw it right away. You must have noticed.”
Dardeh nodded. “I did, but I thought he just meant me.”
“He looked at you and looked at me and knew exactly what was going on, even if we didn’t. But that was when it all finally dawned on me. Standing there in front of him, and I looked at you and realized how much I wanted to be with you. Even if it was just going where you go.”
He turned to Dardeh and smiled.
“And that’s what I want. I just want to be with you, Dar. However you want that to be. I’m a mess, and I know it. If you just want a friend by your side, that’s fine too. Just let me stay with you. Somehow I feel as though if I’m with you I might end up being all right after all.”
Dardeh shook his head. I have to tell him this. It’s going to sound stupid but I have to. Right now. I’ve been waiting forever.
“Roggi. You need to understand this. I met you in Whiterun that day and it was just all over for me. All over. There’s no one else for me.” He touched Roggi’s face, and ran a hand through his hair, and smiled. “And … I am pretty sure that’s never going to change, no matter what else happens.”
“And you never let on,” Roggi said quietly.
“I tried not to. I didn’t want you to leave and I assumed you would if you knew. And I didn’t want to put any kind of pressure on you.”
“And I didn’t want you to send me away.”
Dardeh smiled. “Never, my friend. You can stay with me as long as you want.”
Roggi grinned. “Be careful what you wish for, Dardeh.”
Oh that sounds good.
“Always am.” He put his empty bowl aside. “And right now, I’m wishing that we could, you know…”
Roggi grinned wider, and stood up. “It is kind of late, isn’t it. Maybe we should turn in.”
“Yeah. Maybe we should.”
Dardeh stood and once again did the thing he’d wanted more than anything in the world since that day in Whiterun. He slipped his arms around Roggi, pulled him close, and kissed him for a long while, under the moons, to the sounds of crickets and the crackling of the fire, before they slipped into the tent once more.
